SERIES 1 - First broadcast 1982

1. Demolition

Neil's prepared 13 portions of lentils as tonight he's going to kill himself, Vyvian's been down the morgue to get a leg and Rik is still the worst poet in the world - still, at least he's got the new TV programme ‘Nozing Around' to look forward to. But all this seems irrelevant when they get a letter from the council informing them they are going to knock the house down this afternoon. Vyvian has the answer, demolish the house from within before they get there.

First broadcast: 9th Nov 1982

Note: This first episode was created as the pilot. It is the weakest episode of the entire two series and the rest of series one is a huge improvement on this.

2. Oil

The boys move into their new house, which simply makes a change from the old one because it hasn't been raised from the ground yet. Before long a fight is breaking out between Rik and Vyv as to who is having which bedroom. Eventually Vyv sets the bed on fire so they both decide to do the decent thing and give that room to Neil. But the excitement really starts when Vyv gets bored of playing murder in the dark on his own and cracks the floor with his head, and finds that he has struck oil. Mike sends them all down to the cellar to dig for oil, but Rik has different ideas and organises a massive rock n roll benefit gig for the ‘oppressed workers of the house'.

First broadcast: 16th Nov 1982

This is a brilliant episode with so many great moments, such as Neil accidentally finding a genie and wishing for 6 pairs of hands. It also has one of my favourite lines where Rik gets hit in the ‘privates' with a cricket bat and shouts "Ha ha, missed both my legs".

3. Boring

Everyone is so bored, and things are getting desperate. Neil goes into the garden during a game of Monopoly to kill himself, and then has an even more absurd idea – how about going into college? As Mike says "things are bad but there's no need to panic". But how can things be boring when one of the devil's helpers comes into the house to claim his next victim, and a terrorist is blown up in their own house while they watch it on the TV.

In an attempt to relieve the boredom they decide to go to the pub. Madness are playing live but they won't be playing any Cliff Richard. Vyvian gets a surprise when he realises that the barmaid is his own mother; she was a shoplifter when he knew her (even though she doesn't look strong enough, according to Neil). They should have stayed at home and watched ‘Bastard Squad' on the TV.

First broadcast: 23rd Nov 1982

4. Bomb

Vyvian's frustrated. He can't get to the milk because there's an atom bomb in front of the fridge, now he has to put ketchup on his cornflakes instead. They boy's have different ideas about how to deal with this potential disaster. Neil paints himself white to reflect the blast (racial discrimination even in death), Mike plans to sell it to the highest bidder, although his highest bid is a Robin Reliant. Rik plans to blackmail Thatcher with it and Vyvian, well he just wants to blow it up. Then to make matters worse, the TV detector man comes to check that they have a licence. As they obviously don't the solution is simple, Vyvian has to eat the tele. The TV detector man won't give up though and hang around in the toilet to wait for it to come out of the other end, only to find Dexy's Midnight Runners playing ‘Jackie Wilson Said'.

First broadcast: 30th Nov 1982

A good episode with a rubbish ending (the bomb hatches and a little aeroplane flies out of it).

5. Interesting

It's party time. The house is spotless and Vyv has pepped up the tentative looking vacuum cleaner, which destroys a large section of the floor and then sucks up Neil's friend Neil. And then just as the party is about to begin, the four horsemen of the Apocalypse drop a massive ham sandwich into the house. When not very many people turn up, Vyv decides to impress some girls by showing them how many press ups he can do, while Rik looks in one of the girl's handbag for a cigarette but finds a telescope with a mouse in it. Eventually the pubs close and everyone turns up, and that's when the real fun begins. Neil gets so stoned that he lands on the moon with the robots from the SMASH adverts, and Rik talks to a political activist about blowing up a Panda in Croydon ("bloody zoos, who needs them"). As it reaches midnight Mike's new girlfriend turns into a pumpkin, and the party turns into one big riot – KILL THE HIPPY!

First broadcast: 7th Dec 1982

6. Flood

If the house is a bottle then Mike is the one with the message – London has flooded. Maybe that's why Neil keeps hitting himself in the face with a frying pan. Rik invents a new super hero, The Peoples' Poet, who gives the pigs a pretty big shock, and Vivian has invented a potion which turns anyone who drinks it into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac (it's actually a cure – for not being an axe-wielding homicidal maniac). During a game of hide and seek, in which Vivian hides in a wardrobe and ends up in Narnia, the landlord, Jerzy Bollowski enters the house. Unfortunately he drinks Vivian's potion and turns, surprisingly enough, into an axe-wielding homicidal maniac. He also gets lost in Narnia for a while, while the others decide that they are going to have to eat each other (well, Neil). The episode ends with Jerzy trying to murder them all before being eaten by the lions that are in Mike's room.

First broadcast: 14th Dec 1982

A good episode to end the series with.