SERIES 3 - First broadcast 2003

1. Munch

Janet insists Jonny return Andy's ring, get a job and buy her a proper engagment ring - from Argos. Jonny tries to find work but eventually, he admits defeat and tells Janet the engagement is off as he can't find a job. Janet realises that love is more important and proposes to Jonny, with a bacofoil ring. A lad named Munch turns up to work at Gaz's garage claiming to be the half-brother Gaz never knew he had. At first Gaz objects to working with such a 'yoghurt brain'. But he is won over when he discovers his new brother has 'Munch Magic' with cars, chipsticks and brown sauce sarnies, and a wicked porno DVD collection to boot. Louise thinks she has hit paydirt when she starts dating the ultra-rich Andy. Her illusions are shattered when Andy leaves her to pay their £150 dinner bill and then runs over a tramp's foot with his Lexus. Turns out not only does Andy 'not talk about money', he also doesn't spend it.

First broadcast: 23rd Feb 2003

2. Fish

Janet agrees to quit smoking when Jonny tells her he doesn't want to be stood at the altar with her 'in an iron lung coughing blood and phlegm' at him. Nicotine deprivation makes her violently horny - with the emphasis on 'violent'. Jonny decides he prefers the old, cuddly Janet and hands her a fag. Gaz thinks Donna doesn't fancy him anymore because she doesn't want to have sex every night. After Jonny suggests Gaz buys Donna some sex aids, Donna comes home to find Gaz has gotten sexperimental with whipped cream and bondage gear. She runs out of the flat screaming, 'Pervert'. Louise thinks her life is in danger when she arranges to meet her secret admirer. The admirer turns out to be an old school mate, David Fish. Thanks to 'Oil of Ulay', David has cured his problem skin and is now rather fit.

First broadcast: 2nd March 2003

3. Kangaroo

Janet insists that Jonny formally ask her parents for her hand in marriage. Jonny agrees, on one condition - Janet must write him a poem about a turtle. Meanwhile Gaz has spent the night shackled to his bed by bondage gear. The next day he is discovered by Munch and Jonny. After a couple of pints with Gaz down the pub, Jonny finally musters enough courage to approach Janet's dad with his request. All goes well - until Janet's dad says 'No'. Following on from Flo and Janet's advice, Donna plans a kinky night in. Decked out in dominatrix gear, thigh-high spike boots, whip and long gloves, she awaits Gaz's arrival. Unfortunately when Gaz arrives, he is not alone. Louise is also having relationship difficulties and seeks advice from Janet. Janet tells her to stop playing games with David and to just talk to him. So Louise visits David and she promises to grow up.

First broadcast: 9th March 2003

4. Beastiality

Munch is slowly driving Gaz mad through his total failure to ever, ever go away. By looking sad and pathetic, Munch gets Donna and Jonny's sympathy. At the end of his tether, Gaz tells Jonny that if he likes Munch so much, he can have him as his best man. The preparations for the wedding go from bad to worse when the two bridesmaids decide they can't stand the sight of each other. Louise finds out that, a year ago, Donna had a one-night stand with David. Accusations and punches fly. With Gaz, Donna, and Janet's parents all saying they won't come to the wedding and with the prospect of Munch and Louise as the dysfunctional best man and bridesmaid from hell, things are looking pretty bleak for poor Janet. Especially when the registrar rings to tell her that there's been a cancellation. Her wedding takes place tomorrow.

First broadcast: 16th March 2003

5. Hospikal

Jonny goes round to plead with Janet's Dad, who's still refusing to have anything to do with the wedding. Mid-grovel, Jonny is shocked to find that Flo's in the house, alone with Mr Smith, and complaining that, "it's freezing in those stirrups." Jonny returns home in triumph. He's blackmailed Mr Smith into pretending to approve of, and even paying for, the wedding. Janet bullies Jonny into an explanation for her Dad's sudden change of heart, but all that Jonny can think of in his state of panic is that her Dad is a cross-dresser. Munch finds Gaz unconscious in the garage, finds a bottle of headache tablets, and assumes his brother has tried to commit suicide. Gaz is fine - he just drank too many lagers. Donna tells Louise that Gaz has tried to kill himself because of all the stress of "the David situation". Her plan works, Louise forgives her, and they can both be bridesmaids again.

First broadcast: 23rd March 2003

6. Dresses Dresses Dresses

The girls are in a frenzy when Janet's Dad gives her some cash to spend on a wedding dress. They abandon their blokes for a day of girly shopping. Janet feels totally upstaged when Louise tries on a stunning wedding dress, and physically rips it off her. Egged on by the snooty shop assistant, Janet gives Donna and Louise a pair of utterly hideous bridesmaids' dresses to try on. The bridesmaids have a cunning plan that will mean they can't wear the dresses - they ruin them, then claim that they're faulty. The shop assistant turns nasty and insists that Janet pay for the bridesmaid's dresses anyway - leaving her just £200 for her wedding dress. Louise remembers the gorgeous dress which Janet ripped when the assistant wasn't around. They haggle down the price, and Janet gets her dream dress after all. Meanwhile, the abandoned boys are seriously confused by the prospect of free beer.

First broadcast: 30th March 2003

7. Fokkin Mokky Bokka

The noisy neighbours downstairs are driving Donna and Gaz to despair. Their idea of chill-out music is Dana's "All Kinds of Everything". These people cannot be reasoned with. Louise realises that she has a phobia about getting old, so makes the decision to dress and act like a child from now on. Donna sends Louise down to meet the neighbours in the hope that she will freak them out of their drug-addled minds. Unfortunately, all they do is set fire to her teddy bear. In a serious turn of events, Jonny at last gets a job. His new supervisor, Julie, is a hormonal hag from hell. Then when his boss tries to blackmail him into sexual intercourse it's back to the small ads in Jobs North West for Jonny.

First broadcast: 6th April 2003

8. Jammy Dodgers

After making him wait for a month, Louise finally agrees to have sex with David, or rather, lets him, "enter the sacred passage del passion." She is horrified to find that David is an unstoppable sex machine. Eight times in one night, so generous, sensitive and insatiable. Not Louise's cup of tea at all. The next night, Louise braces herself for more blissful copulation. But David just wants to sleep. It turns out that he was just trying to impress her the night before. Meanwhile, Janet and Jonny are finding it hard to argue. And Gaz tries to get Donna to go out on her own once in a while.

First broadcast: 13th April 2003

9. Dump

Janet has decided that the most important thing about getting married is the presents, so she makes a wedding list. She insensitively insists that Donna buy her an expensive present, confusing Donna's generosity for a wealth, and ignoring the fact that Donna works for minimum wages at the bucket factory. Jonny takes Donna to the dump in search of thrifty second-hand gifts. They bring home some truly disgusting items. Janet is delighted to find amongst the foul-smelling boxes some valuable signed programmes from the 1950 Cup Final, worth enough to finance as many wedding presents as her heart could desire. Sadly, Liverpool lost to Arsenal in that particular match, so Jonny and Gaz burn the programmes. Meanwhile, Gaz attempts to teach Munch how to chat to women, and David introduces Louise to his attractive and deaf cousin, KP.

First broadcast: 20th April 2003

10. Schluballybub

Janet thinks that she has fallen out of love with Jonny. The warmth seems to have gone from their relationship. She tries to talk to him, but Jonny is, as ever, cheerfully oblivious and a bit thick. Louise and David have an argument when he gives her a plant to nurture, as "a trust exercise". She kills it on purpose, tells him he's a pretentious drongo, and storms off. Gaz and Donna have a serious row, too. Gaz has a sensitive problem in the bottom area and jumps to the conclusion that Donna has given him warts. She hasn't - it's only piles, for goodness sake - but by then Donna has already moved out in protest at being called a "rancid vessel". Two lonely people - Donna and David - bump into each other. David offers Donna a drink. Will they repeat that one-night-stand? Meanwhile, Janet has come to a conclusion about her engagement to Jonny. In tears, she packs her bags and leaves the flat...

First broadcast: 27th April 2003