SERIES 2 - First broadcast 1996

1. Court In The Act

Fowler, with the help of Goody is showing the proposed new uniform to his officers. CID meanwhile are on the trail of drug dealer Harry the Spike. Desperate to get his man, Grim goes along with Boyle's plan to set Spike up. He enlists the help of Fowler and his officers (along with Goody still in the new uniform) to search Harry the Spike's property during which Goody finds some drugs behind the cooker.

The next day Fowler tries to prepare Goody for the trial because, as the arresting constable, he must give evidence - unfortunately he keeps bursting into tears. Harry the Spike's barrister arrives and is none other than Mayoress Wykham, whom Fowler fancied at school and Patricia is not happy as she is convinced he still does. Grim meanwhile is having a crisis of conscience and Goody tells Habib and Gladstone that he was sure the drugs hadn't been behind the cooker when he first looked. Fowler discovers the truth and tries to trick Grim into a confession on tape but unfortunately he didn't press play and record at the same time. Fowler decides to instead to tell the Mayoress that Goody was wearing an unofficial uniform; the case is thrown out of court. Patricia meanwhile discovers a recording of a conversation between Fowler and the Mayoress where she asks him to “give it to her”, unfortunately for Fowler, Patricia doesn't realise she's asking for a plea bargain.

First broadcast: 14th Nov 1996

2. Ism Ism Ism

The Mayoress tells Fowler to start an initiative on isms in the police force in preparation for their arrest of an asylum seeker. Grim meanwhile, after being turned down by the Masons is about to join the Todgers. Fowler has asked a homosexual officer to come and give a talk. When a man arrives in a loud suit and a camp manner both Fowler and Grim assume this is him, especially when he calls Grim “Little Bird”. However it turns out to be the Chief Todger from Grim's lodge who is very angry at his treatment by Grim and Fowler.

Later Fowler and his officers make the arrest, however once again they make a mistake and arrest EC Commissioner for Human Rights thinking he's their man because he's black when in fact their man is white. Fowler is in big trouble. Just when he thought the day couldn't get any worse, it does. Patricia thinks she has seen a woman being beaten up through a window so she and Fowler go to investigate - the "woman" turns out to be Grim wearing a dress for his initiation into the Todgers.

First broadcast: 21st Nov 1996

3. Fly On The Wall

Fowler, under pressure from his officers allows a BBC film crew in to Gasforth to do a documentary. This proves to be a big mistake as his officers go mad as they try and look good on the telly. Grim spends his entire time pretending to be taking phone calls from people reporting serious crimes. Habib and Goody, well mostly Habib, has a close call with a dirty old man who mistakes her for hooker. Gladstone is telling bad jokes, Goody is doing a ventriloquist act with a sock and Patricia is wearing tap shoes.

This all proves too much for Fowler and is about to go and tell the BBC to leave when an old man arrives wanting to be on TV, he has a gun which he points at Fowler. Patricia goes to get Grim who is with the camera crew. Fowler however manages to talk the man into giving up the gun by telling him about the flip side of fame and the old man decides he does not want to find himself at the door of Noel's mansion in Crinkley Bottom. Just as he hands the gun to Fowler, Grim bursts in with his shirt off and a gun in his hand, he is rather miffed when he sees that it's all over and is even more miffed to discover he took his shirt off for a rusty old service revolver which it turns out the man had dug up at his allotment and had come to give in to the Weapons Amnesty.

First broadcast: 28th Nov 1996

4. Alternative Culture

The men and women have to share the men's locker room, as there is a problem with the ladies room. Grim is not happy as it's bad enough sharing a bathroom with Tina at home. However he has rather more important matters to deal to let it get to him too much, he is about to raid a local rave in a search for drug dealers. Meanwhile Habib and Goody are having their own problems; Habib's sister has come to stay and much to Maggie's amazement she's gone from being a goody two shoes to a young rebel and worse still she's taking cannabis.

Goody is seems to be facing a moral dilemma, he tells Habib he's thinking of “coming out” and he can't decide whether or not he should. Fowler, trying to make Goody feel at ease, reassures him that it's perfectly alright by him. However things are not what they seem, Goody is not trying to say he's gay, he's been asked to go out to a pub lock in with Boyle and the guys from CID. Fowler soon makes the decision for him and forbids him to take part in such an act. Later that night Grim leads the raid on the rave and has his men strip-search everyone. Habib discovers her sister amongst them and she has a cube of cannabis on her. Habib tries to take it from her before she's searched but Grim catches her. Habib is suspended pending an investigation.

Fowler tries to get Grim to drop the charges but he refuses and heads off to the pub lock in with Boyle. No sooner have they arrived at the pub than Gladstone and Goody enter with some other officers to arrest everyone, Grim and Boyle go to escape through the toilets only to find Fowler waiting for them. Grim agrees not to charge Habib if Fowler lets him and Boyle off. Later in a meeting with the district auditor Raymond manages to secure funding for the new toilets after Mr Glockenspiel drinks a rather strong cup of “Bovril” from the cube on Fowler's desk.

First broadcast: 5th Dec 1996

5. Come On You Blues

Gasforth Town FC have made the third round of the FA Cup and their next fixture is at home to Chelsea. Fowler and Grim are both worried about crowd control at the match and possibility of encountering Premier League hooligans that generally come with Premier League sides. Grim goes undercover by wearing a football shirt, scarf and bobble hat over his shirt and tie. Fowler meanwhile trains his men in the use of riot equipment and how to employ intimidation using rhythmic beating on their shields.

The Mayoress decides to use the game as a way of launching her "Relocate in Gasforth" business campaign. As the game will bring people and the media into the town, she promises to recommend Fowler for an MBE if it all goes well. Grim meanwhile has been approached by the Metropolitan Police to liaise about the game much to his excitement and he begins to try and act like a London officer, calling people “my son” and saying “things have gone a bit pair shaped”.

The day before the game Patricia arrests a group of builders who have been shouting lewd comments at her for the last few weeks, Grim arrests some men he overhears plotting to turn Chelsea into dust and Fowler gets his officers to break up a loud party as he thinks it may reflect badly on Gasforth. The next day at the match Gasforth are forced to forfeit the game as none of the players have turned up, it turns out they're all in the cells back at the station. Fowler and his men make a discreet exit before the Mayoress catches them.

First broadcast: 12th Dec 1996

6. Road Rage

Patricia has decided to spend her holiday campaigning against the building of the bypass much to Fowler's annoyance. At the station he and his men prepare to police the protest and, to ensure things are conducted peacefully, he and his men do an acting exercise and practice persuading protesters out of trees. Grim however has something more important to deal with, or so he thinks - his car has been dinged by and Grim is determined to catch the swine before he dings it again.

Fowler and his men head out to the protest where Fowler finds Patricia up a tree and tries to get her down, Patricia refuses and cries police brutality, she is soon joined by a muscle bound man called Stallion who quickly gets Fowler out of the way and heads off, taking Patricia with him. That night, after the police have gone, Patricia spends the evening being tempted by Stallion and after months of no action from Raymond she is more than tempted, however nothing happens.

Raymond meanwhile is feeling bad about Patricia and how he dismissed her beliefs and principles and heads out with breakfast to make peace. Stallion tries to persuade the protesters to turn violent and use weapons against the builders and police, Patricia stands up and announces she is a police officer and tries to arrest him, Fowler arrives and tries to take Stallion on too however his punches are rather feeble and he nearly gets a pasting except that Patricia sneaks up on Stallion and hits him with a log - this knocks Stallion out but not before he says “so you finally bonked me babes, I knew you would”.

Back at the station Fowler announces to a stunned Patricia that Stallion has been freed as he is actually Agent Carlton from MI5, who was sent in to provoke the protesters into violent action. Patricia is furious and Fowler sends Carlton packing just as Grim arrives somewhat disappointed at missing him, however Carlton is soon back demanding to know who the Nissan Micra in the car park belongs to as it's the one that dinged his Aston Martin.

First broadcast: 19th Dec 1996

7. The Green Eyed Monster

The promotions board has been set for the end of the week and Fowler and Grim are both desperate for career advancement, however Grim convinces Fowler that he doesn't stand a chance, as he and Patricia are not married.

Fowler, after some thought, decides that maybe it's time to pop the question. Whilst Fowler is considering marriage, Grim is preparing to celebrate the twentieth anniversary of his marriage to Tina and is wondering what to get her, at the same time he is having a problem with the new water cooler that he has bought for CID, which doesn't work.

Fowler's proposal doesn't quite go to plan. He cooks Patricia dinner and then pops the question; she is on the verge of accepting when he reveals his reasons for proposing. This is the last straw for Patricia and she leaves him instead. With Fowler and Patricia both single again they each independently decide to go out on the pull; Fowler with Boyle and Goody while Patricia goes with Habib. However a nightclub proves not to be the best place for the cops as the clientele considers them to be sad old losers. The next day Fowler overhears Patricia and Habib talking about someone called Toby who is apparently big and hairy and strong and insists only sleeping in Patricia's bed even when she doesn't want him there. Fowler is deeply upset but accepts that Patricia has moved on.

Grim meanwhile is in a very bad mood as Tina wasn't satisfied with the chocolates he bought her for their anniversary as she wanted Champagne as well. Later Fowler overhears Patricia again talking about Toby and how demanding he is and how she's exhausted by him, this is too much for Fowler and he declares his love for Patricia and threatens to thrash this Toby within an inch of his life. Toby however turns out to be dog Patricia is looking after, however she touched at Raymond wanting to protect her and they are reconciled and head off for a drink to celebrate even though Fowler will miss the promotion board, but there's always next year. Grim meanwhile is feeling better, he has fixed the cooler and is ready for the interview, he gets a quick drink from the cooler and heads off with a damp patch on his crotch.

First broadcast: 23rd Dec 1996