Raymond Fowler is the commanding officer at Gasforth Police Station, a position he has worked hard to achieve. He is a dedicated copper but ultimately an old fashioned one. He still believes in spit and polish, looking very smart at all times and still sends the queen a birthday present from the station.

Raymond is the epitome of a sad middle-aged man. His idea of a good time is playing board games, building air fix models and reading Biggles. Whilst he has enjoyed success in his professional life, his personal life has been a different story. His marriage to Susan unfortunately ended in divorce and the only thing that really came out of it was his son Bill who is more like his father than Raymond thinks.

Raymond now lives with his desk sergeant Patricia Dawkins whom he has been going out with for ten years though their sex life is practically non-existent. When he’s not working or building air fix models, Raymond is a keen member of the Gasforth Amateur Dramatic Society.

DI Grim is in charge of the CID department at Gasforth Police Station. He is not a popular member of the team. He thinks he is God's gift to policing though in fact it's a wonder to some how he got to be an Inspector at all.

Grim is a constantly frustrated man both professionally and personally. At work he is frustrated by the lack of what he calls real crimes such as bank jobs, murder, drug dealing, credit card fraud and organised crime. At home he has a volatile relationship with his wife Tina who amazingly has stayed with him for twenty years despite the fact they seem to spend all their time arguing about matters such as the amount of time she spends in the bathroom.

Outside of work and home Grim is very keen to climb Gasforth's social ladder, having been turned down by the Masons he has joined the Todgers, a secret society who wear dresses and kiss dead turkeys' bottoms (though Grim insists this is only on special occasions and they usually make do with a chicken nugget.)

In our opinion the very anti "hoity toity, artsy fartsy" Insp Grim, played so perfectly by David Haig, is one of the best sitcom characters ever created - there is always a laugh when he is on screen.

Patricia Dawkins is the desk sergeant and Inspector Fowler's live-in-lover. She has managed to put up with Raymod for 10 years despite being frustrated by his lack of sex drive and how, at times, he can be an insensitive pig. She ultimately loves him very much though and knows that under the cold façade he puts on he can be romantic and, when driven to it, can be passionate and protective towards her.

Whilst Patricia would like to think she's more "with it" than Raymond the truth is she isn't at all. She is just as incapable of having a good time. When she and Raymond tried spitting up once she had as little success in pulling at the nightclub she went to as Raymond did. In fact she managed to pull Raymond.

Kevin is camp, OTT and acts like a big kid. A lot of people at the station suspect that Goody might be homosexual but in fact he holds a secret desire for his colleague Maggie Habib. Kevin is constantly trying to get into Maggie's knickers but with no success.

Goody is a source of unending frustration for Inspector Fowler who constantly refers to Kevin as “You foul boy”, “You Foul Youth”, “You Appalling Youth” etc. Fowler finds Goody a mystery, he chews gum on duty, he eats chocolate on duty, he slurps his tea and he can't spell. It's a wonder at times how he ever got into Hendon police academy let alone passed out!

Maggie Habib is the most intelligent of Fowler's officers; well this isn't difficult with Goody and Gladstone to contend with. Maggie is efficient and everything a young policewoman should be. Fowler rates her as his finest constable. However he also sees her as rather too smart for her own good. Maggie is an extreme feminist and is very staunch defender of the persecution of ethnic minorities, which is all well and good. However she does tend to go too far. She thinks that Sherlock Holmes and Watson are lovers (despite the fact that Watson is married). When she's not being a policewoman or a feminist she is fighting off the attentions of her colleague Kevin Goody who is infatuated with her despite the fact she always brushes him aside.

Gladstone grew up in Trinidad where his father had been a policeman. Gladstone seems to live in a world of his own half the time and has a very strange view of things. During briefings he will come out with the most ridiculous things such as how he blames fridge magnets for graffiti. Gladstone is a divorcee though based on the stories he has told about his marriage it's hardly surprising. The last straw came when he tried to put his foot down about having dinner on the table when he got home, he never saw his wife again. The marriage was doomed from the start though after Frank objected at the impediment. Despite Frank's lack of success with women he is always the one Kevin comes to ask for advice about Maggie, no wonder he's never been very successful.

Kray is one of the detectives in Grim's loutish CID department. Kray fancies himself as a cool guy who has a real charm with the ladies. As a policeman he is not that good, but then considering he had Grim as a teacher it's not surprising. Kray has very little respect for his superiors though he laughs at Grim's jokes and always backs his boss when Fowler enters an argument. Kray never really puts his heart into his job and seems to spend half the time on the phone to Pizza Hut or the local Kebab Shop. However he does enjoy the perks of the job such as using a police ID card to push in queues and putting on a siren when late home from the station.

Boyle replaces Kray as the slack CID detective in Series 2. Like Kray he likes to think he's a hit with the ladies. Boyle seems to see eye to eye with his boss more than his predecessor did and also treats his with a bit more respect. Boyle likes to think of himself a maverick. He'll use his ID to get into nightclubs and to impress the ladies. He also gets involved with pub lock ins and tries to get Goody involved in his non-police like behaviour (though Goody refuses). He has more luck with Grim though. Unfortunately the pub is raided that night and CID only narrowly avoids being charged by Fowler. Also Boyle is one who persuades Grim to plant some drugs on Harry The Spike to be able to arrest him. Boyle does push his luck a lot but somehow he always comes out all right.