SERIES 1 - First broadcast 2006

Episode 1

Henpecked Michael's bedtime overtures are snuffed out by his wife. She's more turned on nowadays by tile catalogues, asking "can't the pasion thing wait 'til the weekend?" Realising that something is missing in his life, Michael nervously makes his way to the Debonnaire, where he pays for half an hour with Hayley, who soon has him pegged as a "talker". Michael doesn't get any further than stripping down to his underpants, but is so happy to have someone who seems to like him, and listens to him talk, that he soon finds himself falling in love.

There's an awkward moment on the way out, as Michael bumps into Barry, the man who has been decorating his house. Barry is one of the brothel's best customers, and is highly amused to have made a "brothel buddy". Soon Michael has arranged regular visits, under the guise of taking double-bass lessons. "You're a bit young for a midlife crisis", spits his wife. If only she knew...

First broadcast: 30th August 2006

Episode 2

A posh brothel has opened in town. Madame Maureen fears her girls will desert her. Meanwhile middle-aged punter Michael asks the love of his life, prostitute Hayley, to stop seeing other men.

Michael is upset to find out that his "brothel buddy" Barry has also been enjoying Hayley's favours; and the girls consider ditching Maureen for an upscale outfit in town. While he's waiting in the Debonnaire's reception area, Michael is talking to Barry about going on holiday. Upstairs, he carries on the conversation with Hayley, and tells her that his fantasy is for the two of them to move to a villa in Kefalonia. "Don't you ever want to get away from it all?" he asks. "It must get quite depressing hanging around all day with prostitutes." "Michael," responds Hayley cheerfully, "I am a prostitute!".

She tells him that her dream in life is to be a "Big Brother" housemate, and Michael wearily agrees that there's no limit to her potential. Back at home, Michael is talking to Barry, who is working in their bathroom. Barry likes the sound of the posh new brothel in town, and also tells Michael that he's one of Hayley's regulars. Michael is horrified that the "sweet, innocent girl" has been defiled by Barry, and heads back to the Debonnaire to talk it over. "I find the whole image of you and him together really disconcerting," he explains, and asks her to stop seeing Barry. She says she can't - it's her job, after all - and Michael angrily tells her that he feels stupid for falling for her act. "You're the only one who believes in me," she cries, denying that she's only nice to him because she's paid to be. "You"re the only one who believes that I could be a housemate!"

After Michael storms out, Hayley is distraught. "He was so lovely," she sobs to Kate. "He had something about him, sort of wise like Gandhi." "Gandhi?" asks Kate quizzically. "Yeah," replies Hayley mournfully. "You know, the big wizard with all the little hobbits..." Can the mismatched pair make it up? Also this week, Maureen is disgusted when the girls attempt to get work at the new place in town - and Michael gets a nasty shock when he goes there in search of Hayley.

First broadcast: 6th Sept 2006

Episode 3

Student Kate is worried her boyfriend will discover how she really earns her money. Meanwhile, financial consultant Michael tries to treat prostitute Hayley to his idea of the high life.

Student Kate is worried her new boyfriend will discover how she really earns her money. Fellow student Stuart is everything she could hope for - young, intelligent, romantic and, most importantly of all, not a customer.

Hayley has become infected by Kate's loved-up mood, telling Michael about her one great love, with his "washboard stomach and a knob like a tube of Pringles". When she suggests that she might be on the market for a new boyfriend, Michael takes the chance to ask her out on a date.

Meanwhile Michael leaves The Debonnaire on a high, having asked Hayley for a date. He meets Kate on the way out and as the two chat outside, Kate's boyfriend Stuart appears; to cover her tracks Kate introduces Michael as her father. He overplays his part somewhat, nearly giving the game away. But Kate's in real trouble when Yelena answers her mobile and tells Stuart in her inimitably graphic way just what Kate is currently up to...

Michael takes Hayley to one of the swankiest restaurants in London. But as they arrive he discovers not only is she a well-known regular there, but she's even been in for lunch that very day. Michael's anxiety levels go into overdrive as she orders a bottle of the most expensive champagne on the menu, then goes on to mix it with Lilt. His cash reserves can't cover their meal and he is forced to ask her to help him out with the bill. She assures him that she and her fellow working girls never have to pay there and he sees why when he catches a glimpse of Hayley servicing head waiter Nico. On top of that, Maureen and Kate show up - so much for their romantic evening together!

As Michael walks Hayley and Kate home they encounter an irate Stuart, who now knows that Michael is not Kate's father. How will he get out of this one?

First broadcast: 13th Sept 2006

Episode 4

Kate decides she can't work with Yelena any more. Madame Maureen launches an aggressive advertising campaign, prompting middle-aged punter Michael to worry his secret shame is about to be made public.

Mild-mannered student Kate has had enough of Yelena's domineering ways. The pair are now regular threesome partners, but while the punters are fine, Yelena is alarmingly over-enthusiastic when it comes to sadism. Even big Barry handles her with care; he recommends that if Michael ever indulges in any kinky stuff he must have a "safe" phrase to bring proceedings to a halt. His is: "Stop… Hammer-time!".

But love-sick Michael just wants to talk to Hayley, and even her special discount price can't tempt him to drop his trousers. Nevertheless, he tries to use some of her sexy tips to get his wife in the mood, but unfortunately, while the compliments go down well, being called a "horny little slut" doesn't - so it's back in the doghouse...

But Michael has bigger worries after Maureen unveils her new plan for world domination - a website, to be advertised on flyers stuck all round town. Hayley is all excited ("I could be famous!") but Kate and Yelena are woried, as both have reasons for staying anonymous. "They might see it at college" worries Kate, whereas Yelena's past may catch up with her: "They might see it in the Hague!". Kate is tempted to quit, but Maureen talks her round with promises to keep her off the flyers and the website, and to take her off threesomes duty.

Meanwhile, Yelena has a shock when Maureen joins her for the next session, in take-charge mood. And when Hayley's pop-up ad appears on Michael's computer, he has some serious explaining to do to Pippa...

First broadcast: 20th Sept 2006

Episode 5

To avoid deportation, madame Maureen arranges a sham marriage between Yelena and the ever-willing Barry. At the wedding, middle-aged punter Michael is horrified when his wife finally meets prostitute Hayley.

The arrival of a new cut-price brothel in town has everyone talking. Barry is particularly excited, describing it to Michael as "EasyJet for prozzies", and is delighted by its £10 flat fee. Maureen, however, is less pleased at the news. She takes the step of lodging a complaint and shops the eastern European staff to immigration. Unfortunately, the proprietors of the new establishment seek revenge by reporting Yelena, who is now staring an immigration interview in the face. She has told them that she can't be deported by lying that she is engaged to an English man - and now has to find one before her interview in ten days' time.

Luckily for Yelena, there is an available "English pig" in the form of Barry. He announces his engagement to a bemused Michael, asks him to be his best man - and invites Pippa. Michael accepts, but is terrified at the thought of Pippa coming face to face with Hayley - if that happened, he would never be able to see his cherished prostitute again. Everyone promises to keep quiet and maintain the illusion that they're all just friends of the happy couple - but when Michael is charged with looking after Barry's doddery mother, he is unable to keep an eye on just who Pippa is talking to. Can he trust Hayley not to drop him in it?

First broadcast: 27th Sept 2006

Episode 6

Hayley leaves to start a new life in London with her dad. Heartbroken punter Michael has to choose between his unhappy marriage and pursuing the prostitute of his dreams.

When Michael visits Hayley at the brothel, she has a nasty surprise for him: her jailbird father is out of jail and he wants her to move to London, where he has a job lined up for her. Michael is gutted but tries to be supportive, giving her some interview tips and offers to create a CV for her. Acceptable extracurricular activities are thin on the ground, though: "Did you do the Duke of Edinburgh?", "God no – he's well old!".

When Michael receives a postcard from Hayley saying she is working at the Sanderson Hotel, he knows he must see her. Luckily a Japanese buisness contact is arriving in London, so he tells Pippa he has a business meeting. When the two men arrive at the hotel, it is considerably less classy than he had hoped. To his horror, Michael realises his contact actually plans to work – and he is soon mired in a worldwide conference call and way out of his depth! Panicking, he downs three bottles of 'Shampagne' and excuses himself to find Hayley – who the scary-looking barman tells him has "just finished working"... Within seconds, it is obvious that while Hayley may be wearing a maid’s outfit, she’s not doing much cleaning – her dad is pimping her out for £1,000 a time.

Emboldened by the booze, Michael tells Hayley he loves her, and for the first time he wants to make love to her. Unfortunately for the pair, Hayley's "downtime" is nearly up: "I've got to wrap a Sheikh in clingfilm!". Can Hayley's "superhero" rescue her from her hellish situation? Waiting outside the door are Hayley's dad and the barman, who proceed to sting him for several grand. His randy Japanese contact didn't mind waiting though... and is now giving his colleagues the videoconference of their lives! Will Michael be leaving London alone – and does he still have a marriage to return to?

First broadcast: 4th Oct 2006