Space Corp Directive Jokes
Jokes about the Space Corp Directives was a recurring theme throughout the series of Red Dwarf. Here are some of the funniest...
Kryten: What about the Space Corp Directive which states that it is our primary overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information and wherever possible bring them home?
Rimmer: What about the Rimmer Directive which states never tangle with anything which has more teeth than the entire Osmond family?
Kryten: Well Space Corp Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must give up his life in order that the living crewmembers might survive.
Rimmer: Yes but Rimmer Directive 271 states just as clearly No chance you metal bastard.
Kryten: Sir may I remind you that Space Corp Directive 169 clearly states...
Rimmer: Oh Holly, prepare the escape pod, anything to save me from another (Kryten Voice) Space Corp Directive.
Rimmer: Kryten you’re forgetting Space Corp Directive 1742.
Kryten: 1742? No member of the Corp should report for duty in a ginger toupee.
Rimmer: May I remind you all of Space Corp Directive 34124.
Kryten: 34124? No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity.
Rimmer: I’ve no idea who you are but boarding this vessel is an act of war. Ergo we surrender, and as prisoners of war I invoke the all nations agreement article 39436175880932-B.
Kryten: 39436175880932-B? All nations attending the conference are only allocated one car parking space?
Rimmer: Can’t you let just ONE go? I was talking about the right of POW’s to non-violent constraint.
Kryten: But that’s 75880932-C sir.
Rimmer: That’s it I’m invoking Space Corp Directive 68250.
Kryten: 68250? But sir surely that’s impossible without at least one live chicken and a rabbi.
Kryten: Mr Lister sir can’t you see that your behaviour is totally irrational?
Rimmer: In which case we can relive him of duty as per Space Corp Directive 196156.
Kryten: 196156? Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the exercise bicycle in the women’s gym will be discharged without trial. Hmm, I’m sorry sir but that doesn’t quite get to the nub of the matter for me.
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