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| SERIES 8 (Season
VIII) - First broadcast 1999 |
1. Back In The Red - Part 1
Now that Red Dwarf has been recreated by the Nanobots, the original crew have all been reinstated, including Rimmer. This isn't particularly good news for Lister, especially seeing as he still has to share quarters with him. His bad luck doesn't end there, unfortunately, as he and his fellow Dwarfers are put on trial for stealing Starbug and flying it! Lister strikes up a deal with Rimmer that he can help him find secret information to increase his chances of becoming an officer, if Rimmer helps him escape.
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Best Quote: Kryten explaining to the Red Dwarf psychiatrist what Lister means to him.
Kryten - “He helped me break my programming, sir. Over the years I have managed to develop some serious character faults of which I'm extremely proud!
I'm even able to lie to a modest standard, for example: "you have a very fine hair cut!"”
He laughs heartily. |
First broadcast: 18th Feb 1999
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2. Back In The Red - Part 2
After finding a test tube of sexual magnetism virus while looking for some confidential files, Rimmer decides to try it out. Lister, Cat, Kochanski and Kryten are all in a state of artificial reality as part of their trial for crimes against the space corps, and their every move is being watched. While they believe they are escaping from Red Dwarf, they are in fact just reacting to many situations that were programmed in by Captain Hollister.
Also, Kryten is repaired by the crew and restored with his factory settings. This is extremely bad news for the Dwarfers because it means he loses all of his character faults that made him him. It turns out there was no need to worry, however, as he quickly snaps back into character with a simple jog of his memory by Cat, Lister and Kochanski!
| Best Quote: Kryten explaining to Kochanski why he's been classified as a woman. Kochanski - “So, you mean, you've never had a steak, pie, peas and chips set?”
Kryten - “I think the phrase is "meat and two veg", ma'am.” |
First broadcast: 25th Feb 1999
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3. Back In The Red - Part 3
As the Dwarfers all still believe they are escaping from the ship, Rimmer is hurrying to the artificial reality suite to delete all mentions of the agreements between him and Lister and the deal they made in which if Lister helped him get promoted, he would help them escape.
The Dwarfers, feeling especially confused by now, manage to work out that they're being framed and that their every word is being recorded. Finding a trap door in the AR programme, they manage to break out of their induced state in time to see Rimmer being responsible for framing them. Kryten points out that if they still want to escape, they should take Rimmer with them seeing as he knows confidential things about the crew and may have helpful information to ensure their escape. Unfortunately, Holly points out that they are still in AR and that they have not escaped at all. They've been tricked!
| Best Quote: Kryten bringing the Dwarfers good moods to a halt! Kochanski – “There's nothing on the scanner for a thousand mile radius... We're in the clear, guys!”
Lister – “Yes, oh yes!”
Kryten – “I don't believe we are, ma'am...”
Cat – “What's up?”
Kryten – “According to the supplies inventory we're frighteningly low on... oh, and everyone was so happy, I can barely say it out loud...
Rimmer – “What are we frighteningly low on? Oxygen?”
Kryten – “Worse! Fabric softener!” |
First broadcast: 4th March 1999
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4. Cassandra
Lister foolishly takes Holly's advice to join the “Canaries” believing that it is the prison choir, but he soon regrets it when he finds out that it's actually a convict army who are sent into the wreckages of ships to explore; basically they go on suicide missions!
When onboard a crashed spaceship, they discover Cassandra. She's a highly intelligent computer who can accurately predict the future. When she tells Rimmer that he's going to die while Cat, Kochanski, Lister and Kryten are going to survive, he quickly goes about trying to change this.
| Best Quote: Cassandra tells Rimmer that Lister is going to die aged 181 while removing a bra with his teeth! Lister – “Who's bra?”
Cat – “A hundred and eighty-one? Probably your own!”
Lister – “Come on, no. Taking a bra off with me teeth, aged one-hundred and eighty-one. That's a hell of a sexy way to go!”
Kryten – “So long as the teeth are in your mouth at the time, sir.” |
First broadcast: 11th March 1999
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5. Krytie TV
Kryten is feeling very upset about having to live with the women seeing as he hasn't had his corrupted files re-corrected. Meanwhile, Lister has put up an appeal against being in the prison block for two years and to possibly achieve this appeal, he has to have a record of good behaviour. Typically, he does something to jeopardise this.
When someone re-programmes Kryten so that he betrays the women in his block by filming them in the showers to show to the male prisoners on film night, he starts to make a fortune. He lies to Lister and tells him that Kochanski is getting back together with her old boyfriend, Tim. Lister quickly goes about laying plans to destroy hope of Kochanski falling in love with Tim again by trashing his quarters. Unfortunately, it turns out to be Ackerman's quarters he destroys and Kryten has set him up just to film him doing this deed to show to the prisoners at film night!
| Best Quote: Lister explaining why he has to be on his best behaviour due to his prison appeal. Cat – “Appeal?”
Lister – “Yeah, I'm appealing”
Holly – “That's a minority view!” |
First broadcast: 18th March 1999
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6. Pete - Part 1
Lister and Rimmer are in trouble again, after putting a truth serum into Mr Ackerman's asthma inhaler. As a punishment, they have to play a basketball game with the prisoners verses the guards. The guards are way ahead in the first half, but Lister and Rimmer have had another plan. They've put a virility drug into all the guards' half time drinks and thankfully, it does the trick and enables them to win.
Meanwhile, Kryten, Kochanski and the Cat are off with the canaries to rescue their missing mission group. They find them frozen in time by a time wand that can digitalise time. While Rimmer and Lister are facing another punishment for stealing a virus to eat potato skins, they are put in the hole with a strange old man called Birdman who has a pet sparrow called Pete. Bob the scutter helps them escape, but unfortunately the excitement of being freed kills the sparrow. Rimmer and Lister are confused to find all the crew frozen in time, and when they find Kochanski, Cat and Kryten enjoying a meal on the cargo bay, they explain all about the time wand. Kryten says he could probably restore Pete to a time when he was young and strong. However, he accidentally turns him into a dinosaur instead!
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Best Quote: Lister and Rimmer talking about how disgusting the prison meals are.
Lister – “We're on a punishment menu now. No chips, no ice-cream, just the basics.”
Rimmer – “Because we're on punishment detail?”
Lister – “Yeah. Kill Crazy reckons they give us the cloning experiments that have gone wrong, with some gravy slopped over to disguise it.
Rimmer – “You waited until I was swallowing 'til you said that, didn't you?” |
First broadcast: 25th March 1999
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7. Pete - Part 2
The Dwarfers are still on the run from Pete the dinosaur. He's swallowed Bob the scutter who had the time wand, so there's no way of turning him back into a sparrow. Meanwhile, the rest of the frozen crew are now moving again and have found out about the time wand and dinosaur. Hollister sends Rimmer and Lister back down to the cargo bay to try and turn the dinosaur back into a sparrow. They manage to, but Rimmer tells Lister to destroy it. Not a good move seeing as the dinosaur had laid an egg and it's about to hatch!
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Best Quote: Captain Hollister explaining what happened when they tried to capture Pete the dinosaur.
Hollister - “Do you know what happens when a dinosaur eats cow vindaloo, two and a half tons of mint-choc ice cream, followed by four hundred crates of orange ice-pops, and swills it all down with two thousand gallons of a popular fizzy drink, after it's burped?”
Rimmer – “It feels sick?”
Hollister – “Oh no! It doesn't feel sick, Rimmer - it is sick! Five of our best men nearly drowned! Two others are in hospital, concussed by pieces of carrot the size of tree trunks.”
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First broadcast: 1st April 1999
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8. Only The Good ...
Now that the Dwarfers are on probation, Rimmer is at the Captain's every beckoned call. He still vows that he will become an officer one day, but Captain Hollister doubts his chances. Meanwhile, when an escape pod lands on Red Dwarf, it infects the ship with a corrosive life form. It begins to eat away at the ship, putting the crew in immense danger. Some of the crew manage to escape, but the prisoners are left on board to die.
The Dwarfers work out a way to find a formula to combat the virus by creating a way to enter a mirror universe. As Rimmer steps through the mirror, the machine they made to enter and exit the universe breaks. Rimmer is stuck there for a while, and when he manages to leave with the formula, everyone has gone. He finds that the formula solution he has has turned back into a formula for the virus because he's left the mirror universe. He passes out after the dispensing machine fires a drinks can at him, and watches as the grim reaper comes to claim him. Surprisingly, Rimmer kicks the grim reaper and tells him that only the good die young!
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Best Quote: Lister explaining how he acquired a scar on his forehead.
Rimmer – “You've got a scar? When did you get that?”
Lister – “Those complimentary pens that the hospital guys were giving out – you know "most accidents happen in the home, so be careful" ones? I accidentally stabbed myself in the head with one.”
Rimmer - “Where were you?”
Lister – “ I wasn't at home, so I didn't feel stupid or anything.” |
First broadcast: 5th April 1999
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