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BRIAN
POTTER
played by Peter
Kay |
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Brian Potter is the Phoenix Club's proud licensee,
and he runs the club how he sees fit taking into account nobody
else's views! Brian is a very selfish person but does it in
a way so cunning that not many people suspect he is only out
for number one. To be fair Brian does want the Phoenix to be
"the best in club land" but want to achieve this in
his terms, taking all the credit too! Having failed at being
a club owner on two previous occasions Brian is determined that
this time it will be a success. He is a warm character at heart
and will have you smiling and feeling sorry for him most of
the time. Bad luck does seem to follow the hapless wheelchair-bound
Brian wherever he goes, and just maybe he deserves that luck
to change.
"Garlic Bread, it's the future, I've tasted it"
- Brian thinking of ideas on how to resurrect 'The Phoenix'.
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JERRY
'ST. CLAIR' DIGNAN
played by Dave
Spikey |
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Jerry is the "compére without compare" who
runs the entertainment at the Phoenix, which includes his
very own "Free 'n' Easy Night". He is a star in
the eyes of every pensioner in the Bolton area. Jerry is a
kind sort of guy but has a very short temper, usually the
result of Brian's comments towards his ideas for the club.
In the second series Jerry also gets talked in to being Brian's
puppet in running the club, due to Brian's licence being revoked
by the courts. 'The Saint' also has his fair share of bad
luck, with cancer scares, car crashes, taking too much of
his 'herbal medication' and receiving speeding fines, but
this just paves the way for the show's fall guy to be laughed
at.
"Catch the moon! Bring it down! Bring it down! Can
you moonwalk? Can you moonwalk? Like This!"
- Jerry after overdosing on his 'herbal medication'.
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Max
played by Peter
Kay
The dozy bouncer Max keeps The Phoenix free of any mischief
and bother… or so his job title says. Max is dedicated
to the club's cause and will put his hand to anything, whether
it be putting banners up or going on trips to France to stock
up on alcohol. He thinks of himself as a 'Steven Segal' type
of person and a bit of a hard man but sadly this couldn't
be further from the truth!
"Can you hear me now?" "Hear you? I can
see you, d*ck!"
- Max testing out the new radio head gear.
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Paddy
played by Patrick
McGuinness
Paddy 'The Love Rocket' is the other half of the doorman
duo that bounces at the Phoenix. Paddy seems to think he is
quite a ladies man and throughout the course of the series
he does get his fair share of women and phone numbers. Everything
seems to evolve around women and sex for Paddy, and he calls
"being addicted to sex" an 'illness'! Due to his
fellow workers constant rants about his hair, Paddy is paranoid
he is going bald, and even resorts to buying a 'Hair Gro'
kit from the home shopping channel, all in the aid of women.
"It's an illness, Michael Douglas had it."
- Paddy on his addiction to sex.
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Ray Von
played by Neil
Fitzmaurice
Gypsy DJ (Shabba!) and handyman Ray Von is one of the club's
most lively workers. His appointment as DJ all came about
when the lights in the Phoenix overloaded and ceased in the
middle of an organised night, which left the club in the lurch,
and nobody could get them back on until Ray Von appeared out
of nowhere insisting he could do it.
"Keep seated at all times, or you may die… shabba!"
- Ray Von on the mic of the kiddies little playground ride.
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Kenny Senior
played by Archie
Kelly
The biggest liar in all of Bolton! Nothing ever comes out
of Kenny's mouth without it being exaggerated or a total lie,
he's claimed everything from getting paint for Jackie Chan,
being able to get hold of a Japanese mule to having fire resistant
skin. He does provide a lot of fun for all with his comments,
but never seems to do anything useful at The Phoenix, so other
than passing Brian his Zantac, there is a big question mark
over his actual role there!
"I don't need a suit, I've got special skin. Asbestos
you see, doctors are baffled."
- Kenny Senior with one of his many lies telling the fireman
about his skin.
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Young Kenny
played by Justin
Moorhouse
Young Kenny, so called because of an older Kenny at the club,
is a quiet chap who never seems to really like getting into
the thick of things. He is another handyman at the club and
can put his hand to most things. He isn't the sharpest knife
in the draw and this shows when in the second series he gets
his face painted like a tiger at the 'Phoenix Fun Day' and
can't get it off, so attempts to cover it with fake tan and
foundation. He shows his love for his favourite football team,
Manchester City, by wearing the colours almost every day.
"Number 26, the answer was… he died in a plane
crash."
"Yes! Get in there!"
- Young Kenny getting an answer right in the quiz.
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Alan
played by Steve
Edge
As one half of Jerry's backing band 'Les Alanos', Alan is
an accomplished keyboard player. Alan is most definitely Jerry's
right hand man and they always stick together, even when times
are bad, such as playing 'Black Bin Bags' and 'Corned Beef'
in Asda! He keeps himself to himself and his music means everything
to him.
"Be careful with it mind."
- Alan seconds before Max slips the van into the wrong gear
and crashes into the wall.
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Les
played by Toby
Foster
The other half of backing band 'Les Alanos'. Les is the house
guitarist and drummer who is just looking for a way into the
entertainment business. From playing in bands, being a speaker
in a Butchers van to being part of the directing team in the
college's production of 'Karate Kid', Les will strive to make
it the whole way. Like most of the Phoenix's staff, Les is
willing to put the club before his own personal gain in the
quest to make it 'world famous'.
"It's BSE day, bit of something extra."
- Les over the mic, selling meat from a butchers van.
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Holy Mary
played by Janice
Connolly
Mary is part of the cleaning and bar staff at the Phoenix
and is a regular Church goer. Mary lacks common sense and
tends to speak and act before she thinks. Her love for God
and Jesus is shown throughout the whole show and she puts
all her faith in her religion, even though she still answers
her mobile phone in the middle of church services!
"A pound for 2 questions, bit expensive isn't it?"
"Yes it is love, and your second question?"
- Mary playing 'Maddamme Zelda' on 'The Phoenix Fun Day'.
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Den Perry
played by Ted
Robbins
The owner of the neighbouring club 'The Banana Grove', Den
is Brian Potter's biggest rival in the race to be the owner
of the best club in Bolton. Den Perry is a nasty piece of
work and is forever thinking of ways to ruin Brian's and The
Phoenix's plans. He hates to see Brian do well and will stop
at nothing to get his customers and his profits.
"Den Perry's got a big night on down Banana Grove
and we can't compete… er… yes that's the fat b*stard."
- Den Perry pretending to be Jerry and cancel the 'Stars In
Your Eyes' show at the Phoenix.
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Spencer
played by Daniel
Kitson
The DJ turned barman that gets CV references off his mum!
Spencer is a very likeable chap, but only due to the fact
that he wouldn't be able to think of anything bad or witty
to say about anyone if he tried. The poor lad has no common
sense but is as innocent as they come. He landed his job as
barman after a disastrous spell as a DJ. Jerry held his barman
interview in which he only got offered the job because the
DSS would pay his wages!
"Not only have I seen the film 'Cocktail' 6 times,
I also was once an Inn Keeper."
"Where was that?"
"In St. Peter and Paul's ground breaking production
of the nativity".
- Spencer getting interviewed by Jerry for the barman job.
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Joyce (Series 1)
played by Enid
Dunn
Joyce is probably the only truly sensible person to ever
grace the Phoenix's staff list. Joyce is also part of the
cleaning and bar staff.
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Marion (Series 2)
played by Beatrice
Kelley
Marion replaced Joyce as Mary's cleaning partner at the Phoenix
and as hard as it may seem, made Mary look bright! Marion
and Joyce make a great team as they are both as dense as each
other and get excited by the least little thing. Even though
they aren't the brightest pair the Phoenix has ever seen,
they do lighten the mood.
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Ant and Dec (Series
2)
played by Julian
Sua and Wai
Kee Chan
Ant and DEC are the two Chinese stowaways from the beer run.
Brian quickly stuck them in the kitchen as chefs and named
them Ant and Dec. They can't speak a word of English and can't
cook for love nor money, but the way Brian sees it, it's free
labour!
"Rule Britannia!"
- Ant and DEC after arriving at the Phoenix in a very drunken
state.
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