SERIES 1 - First broadcast 2004

1. Episode One

Following their dodgy failed assassination job the two bouncers leave the Phoenix club behind them and take to the open road in their treasured motorhome. But living in a confined space starts to grate, and conflicts soon arise over Paddy's needs and Max's economising. Light relief comes in the shape of a dodgy plasma screen telly... the only problem is that the lads have to help steal it. In the meantime, their lack of home entertainment leads the pair to sample the local nightspots where Max's new dance moves attract the attention of the infamous Belgrano sisters.

First broadcast: 12th Nov 2004

2. Episode Two

Paddy gets involved in the world of adult movies, but soon discovers that all is not as it seems. Back on the open road, disaster strikes when the motorhome breaks down and so Max and Paddy must resort to asking cowboy mechanic Mick Bustin for help. Homeless and wheelless, they spend a night sleeping rough in the woods, where Max's campfire confessions reveal his creative vision... and secret heartbreak.

First broadcast: 19th Nov 2004

3. Episode Three

The pair now go to London and turn up unannounced at Max's old schoolfriend Kevin 'The Wolfster' Wolfson's birthday party. Tina, Max's one true love, turns up and Max foolishly talks to her; he discovers that she is now actually married to, and has had a child with, The Wolfster.

However, it soon comes out that the child, a 10 year old boy called Daniel, is actually Max's. Tina warns Max to stay away but the following morning he drags Paddy with him to steal what he thinks is a school bus with young Daniel aboard. They pick the wrong bus however, and following a tense scene with the police are sent to prison.

First broadcast: 26th Nov 2004

4. Episode Four

The ex-door men are now in prison after the school bus incident. Paddy is forced to share a cell with a Cliff Richard impersonator who actually believes he is Cliff. After an uncomfortable first night, Paddy admits his fear of being 'bummed' in the shower room and so Max comes up with a plan: they should make the other prisoners believe they are two genuine big-league gangsters called 'The Phoenix Twins'.

Soon, their old Phoenix Club boss Brian Potter comes to visit, announcing that he's organising several events to help speed up their release. They're less than keen on his ideas, not wanting a high profile campaign ruining their newly built hard-boys image. Potter, as ever, fails to listen, and the whole wing see him on the TV news talking about 'the doormen' Max and Paddy.

First broadcast: 3rd Dec 2004

5. Episode Five

The pair drive their motorhome to the country where they accidentally knock over and kills a cow. Tracing the cow to a nearby farm, the pair go off to find the farmer and claim expenses from him for the damage to the van. They come across what they assume is the farmer: an odd old man in a field, who instead of giving them money sells them a 'breeder pig' for £100. He claims they can sell it on at market for around £300. It turns out to be a total con though, the 'farmer' was actually just the drunk, crazy father-in-law of the real farmer.

First broadcast: 10th Dec 2004

6. Episode Six

Max and Paddy finally make Newcastle where they visit Max's old doorman friend Billy 'The Butcher' Shannon. They agree to let Shannon, who is looking for his estranged son, hitch a ride around. A big mistake. Shannon uses a shotgun to force a motorway cafe to open for the trio late at night. Before long Max and Paddy are involved in a police chase and subsequent shoot-out!

First broadcast: 17th Dec 2004