SERIES 3 - First broadcast 2002

1. The Lesbian and the Monkey

What's this? Pauline, everyone's favourite restart officer, in prison? And she's queen bee? The League of Gentlemen make Bad Girls look like a stroll in the park in series three of the award-winning comedy show.

Our trout-mouthed heroine is not locked up for long. Harbouring dreams of running her own pen shop, she is released from the clink in exchange for some undercover work, with evil Ross Gaines as her mentor.

Greiving mother Mrs Beasley undergoes some unusual treatment from Vasey's GP, Dr Carlton. Who ever heard of a prescription with pizza and cola as part of the deal?

And gummy OAP Peter Foot rehearses his own funeral, with his relatives in attendance.

But most importantly, what happened to Tubbs and Edward? Any joy that they escaped the fire at the Local Shop is shortlived, when their true fate is revealed.

First broadcast: 26th Sept 2002

2. The One-Armed Man Is King

Illegal body parts, a dead nun and tacky nail varnish... sounds like a News Of The World expose. In fact, this episode features on joke pedler Lance Longthorne. The overweight, one-armed Joke Shop owner is sick of his unidextrous life and wants a new arm.

Hospital radio DJ Mike King obliges and a transplant operation takes place, but Lance soon regrets dabbling in the murky world of body-snatching... his new arm, a lady's no less, is much more than he bargained for.

Bungling debt collectors Glen and Barry aren't very good at their job. Barry is more content on chasing after ice cream vans than customers. Lysgoe, their nasty boss, is sick of it and teaches them the proper way to call in the debts.

First broadcast: 3rd Oct 2002

3. Turn Again Geoff Tipps

A departure here; for the first time, we are taken out of Royston Vasey and to the big smoke: Geoff Tipps is bored of his life in Vasey and travels to London to begin his new career... as a stand-up comic. Not a natural at telling jokes, it's not only his act that bombs!

Meanwhile, in Camden Town, fag hag Tish meets up with her Legz Akimbo acting friend. And the theatre company's extended improv session on the streets of the capital doesn't go down too well at all.

First broadcast: 10th Oct 2002

4. The Medusa Touch

Back to Vasey and The Windermere B&B, where swinger Sunny's latest private function ends in tragedy. Special guest Daddy arrives with his machine, Medusa, for an evening of sexploits.

While Sunny and her guests participate, her husband Alvin, who is tired of it all, escapes to the garden centre. There he finds much more than compost bins and potted plants... he finds love.

First broadcast: 17th Oct 2002

5. Beauty and the Beast (Or, Come into My Parlour)

Charlie Hull's handy work at Mrs Levinson's Spit & Polish beauty salon makes him a big hit. But his unexpected promotion brings some surprising emotions to the surface. Does Charlie really love Tony?

Meanwhile Ned, the Knight Rider-obsessed but well-meaning dim wit, springs into action with his friend Tris and their crime-fighting car, Maxine-Power, when he suspects a crime. But does he honestly expect to come out on top against some of Vasey's hardest thugs?... er, no!

And Professor Breastpinch'd takes to Vasey's streets with a consumer poll, but is not very successful.

First broadcast: 24th Oct 2002

6. How The Elephant Got Its Trunk

Geeky amateur magician Dean Tavalouris - in his own words, a cross between Derren Brown and David Blaine - launches his mystifying act onto the unsuspecting Vasey public.

Kenny Harris's Dog Cinema faces competition from an old adversary.

And finally, the sinister secret behind the sinister face of the charity shop's new volunteer, Keith Drop, is revealed.

First broadcast: 31st Oct 2002