Series 2 Synopsis

1. Episode One

And so we return to the hospital with possibly the fewest patients in the country and it turns out the consequences of Guy's actions are gradually coming to light. The most worrying of which is the fact that Mac is in a coma and has been for quite a while. However, as the rest of the staff try to wake him up in increasingly imaginative ways; (for example telling him that they love him, playing the harmonica to him and threatening to shoot a kitten if he doesn't wake up), Mac lies in blissful slumber dreaming of being in an all-Mac version of Take That and in partaking in some semi-naked wrestling with Guy.

Elsewhere, Boyce is still managing to wind up Alan Statham by informing him his "daddy" has died (which turns out to be a daddy longlegs), Alan tries to play a trick on Joanna which backfires spectacularly and Guy pours out all his emotions and his version of what happened in the ambulance to a man in a bar.

Whilst all this is happening, there is some good news: Mac wakes up! Though the news may not be so good for Caroline, once she realises that a bout of amnesia may possibly have ruined everything between the two of them...

First broadcast: 31st March 2006

2. Episode Two

Mac and Guy are both given the all clear to return to work, which gives Caroline ample time to try and get Mac to remember their budding relationship. However, Guy's presence turns out to be more of a hindrance than a help which means she has to come up with even more innovative ways to try and prompt Mac's feelings for her to return.

Elsewhere, Guy has to live without his driving license and Alan has to live without sex, though he tries to convince Joanna that his sex life is anything but completely dormant. Martin meanwhile, decides to dump Karen but has a change of heart at the last minute and so has to swallow her mobile phone before she discovers his intentions.

First broadcast: 7th April 2006

3. Episode Three

A documentary crew take over the hospital for the day and it's clear that there is only going to be one star of the show - Angela. It appears that there is a new star-studded career ahead of her, one which she will not let anything (including the little problem of working her notice) stand in her way.

Whilst Angela dreams of fame and fortune, the rest of the staff are much more interested in a videotape which has come to light - a videotape showing THAT night between Guy and Joanna. Sue White is one of the people who manages to get a hold of it and delights in holding both Guy and Joanna to ransom.

As a result of this ransom, there is even more confusion between Mac and Caroline and the relationship between them. Luckily for Caroline however, Boyce helps to clear everything up and so their relationship may finally start to run smoothly.

In the meantime, Guy has to try and find new ways to travel to the hospital as he has been banned from public transport and Martin has finally worked up the courage to break up with Karen. At the end of this episode Angela leaves the hospital - what will happen to her?!?

First broadcast: 14th April 2006

4. Episode Four

Caroline and Mac's budding relationship experiences yet another hitch, this time in the shape of Mac's ex-girlfriend Holly who takes over the vacancy left by Angela. Will their relationship ever be able to develop fully? Despite their problems, there is still romance in the air at the hospital. Unfortunately for Mac and Caroline, it comes from another, more unexpected, source: Harriet and Lyndon, who arrange to go out on a date much to Joanna's horror.

As well as Holly's unpleasant appearance, Mac gets even more grief, this time from Alan Statham. Alan is given new car parking space miles away from the hospital entrance, which he is less than happy with, especially when he discovers Mac has been given a space right next to the door. Alan tries his best to convince Mac to swap, Mac however has other ideas, such as using his space for a beach party.

Whilst all this is happening, Sue "lets her artistic juices flow" and enrols in an art class, where she is extremely surprised to learn that the life model is in fact Martin. However she is not disappointed with what she sees and her portrait of him is put up in her office for all to see. Another person who gets all artistic is Guy, who begins his community service by painting over graffiti and teaching Guyball to school kids. He also starts looking for a flat without much success. However, Caroline takes pity on him and lets him live as a lodger with her. Will she regret it?

First broadcast: 21st April 2006

5. Episode Five

Alan decides to stand for local elections, a feat which he believes can only happen by making his voice less "screechy" and so enlists in the help of a speech therapist, though without much success. He also gets help from Boyce, who hires himself as campaign manager but still finds it difficult to get the public to accept his policies.

Whilst Alan throws himself into his new career as a politician, Martin ends up in a much seedier occupation. He accidentally ends up as a part-time pimp, a role which he throws himself into enthusiastically (even inventing a special pimp walk). However, his career comes to an abrupt end after Karen dumps him and he gets threatened by a full-time pimp.

Elsewhere, Mac's luck finally seems to be on the up when he gets to kiss Caroline again. However, that all quickly changes when Holly informs him that she is has a son and that Mac is the father. When Caroline finds out, she does not take the news well and seeks solace from new flatmate Guy (whilst at the same time trying to fight off the affections of the complementary therapist Jake Leaf). Will she ever get the man that she really wants?

First broadcast: 28th April 2006

6. Episode Six

Emotions are running high at the hospital for the staff, with Caroline splitting up with Mac so that he can be a proper father to Mackenzie and Harriet breaking up with Lyndon as she feels guilty for having an affair. However, Caroline appears to get over her split quicker than Harriet and goes on a date with the alternative therapist Jake Leaf (which did go well until a jealous Guy through his keys into Jake's head).

Alan Statham's emotions on the other hand are at the other end of the scale, as he is absurdly cheerful after winning a caption competition in industry magazine Consult That! with 100% of the votes (the fact this is only 7 votes doesn't perturb him). To try and stop him being so happy, Joanna and Sue come up with a plan which ends in tragedy, as Alan ends up battering Joanna's vertically challenged cousin to death with a stuffed heron. Joanna also becomes part of the murder when she helps Alan to throw the body into the hospital incinerator.

Martin's happiness is also short-lived, as although he had hired a private investigator who managed to trace his dad, he learns his dad has a rather unfortunate surname. Furthermore, a spiteful Joanna ensures that they can't meet even though they do pass each other at the hospital. Karen's happiness at making friends with Kim's Turkish penpal also disappears quickly when he compares her to Brian May from Queen.

First broadcast: 5th May 2006

7. Episode Seven

There is a lot of bad luck going around the hospital this week, with the exception of Martin who wins 10,000 pound on the scratch cards (the fact that he only got 3000 after doing a deal with the shopkeeper doesn't bother him too much). After much debating , he eventually invests in some trainers which unfortunately for him, no one seems to notice.

However, Joanna and Alan's luck isn't as good as Martin's what with Joanna sleeping with a barely legal boy and Alan having panic attacks up and down the hospital, which leaves him convinced he's dying (though no one else seems to notice any difference). Despite this stress over the dwarf situation, it seems to bring them together again, with Joanna even allowing Statham to talk to "the growler".

Holly's down on her luck as well, after Sue White discovers hair dye, DNA tests and a photo of Mackenzie with black her in her locker... proving that Mac isn't the father. Sue of course goes rushing to Mac to let him know, and so Mac makes Holly leave the hospital, who does so without fanfare. This means of course, that Caroline and Mac can get their relationship can get back on track. Doesn't it? Of course not. This time Sue White gets in the way by announcing to all the staff that she is pregnant with Mac's baby. But is she telling the truth?

If Caroline can't get together with Mac, then there's always Guy who professes the fact that he doesn't just "like" Caroline, he "LIKES" her. Unfortunately Guy's luck is also on a downward spiral and Caroline pays no attention to him, as her mind is on other matters (like trying to pee). As a sacrifice to Caroline, he gets a tattoo drawn. Unfortunately for Guy, it's completely the wrong thing.

Will the staff's luck get any better next week? Can it get any worse?

First broadcast: 12th May 2006

8. Episode Eight

In probably the most eventful episode of the series, the only person with good news to share is Sue White, who after a rousing rendition of The Circle of Life gives birth to a lion cub.

Unfortunately, there is nowhere she can go to share the joy as Guy continues to proclaim his love for Caroline and tries to convince her that he is ready for commitment by proposing to her. However he faces some stiff competition from Mac and even Martin as they also have proposals to make. It looks as if Mac is going to be the lucky suitor after arranging to meet Caroline at the train station and take her away for the weekend. However, there is a large setback in the form of test results and Mac discovers that he may not have long to live. This leaves the path clear for Guy and Caroline instead (who don't know about the results) whilst Mac tries to come to terms with the news.

The news isn't any better in the rest of the hospital either, even for the Office Girls. Harriet's husband throws her out after he discovers her affair with Lyndon, and Karen falls out of the office window. Despite the fact she may have died, none of the rest of the office even notice she's gone.

Even Alan and Joanna are still having problems. First of all, Joanna takes refuge in Alan's cupboard after being wracked with guilt about the murder of her cousin and refuses to leave. Despite things beginning to look up for them both when the official verdict on the incident is suicide, things still become too much for them and they go on the run in a stolen motor home. And in an all too familiar scenario of a sheep, a cliff and a large motor vehicle, stowaway Martin experiences a little bit of déjà vu. But will they all be as lucky as the staff were last time round?

First broadcast: 19th May 2006

Short Special: The Secret Policeman's Ball Sketch

When the announcer at the Ball asks if there is a doctor in the house, a visiting Dr Mac helps. However, Caroline, who is with him tries to stop him. Things become more complicated when it turns out Guy, who is at the other side of the Hall, wants to help as well.

With all three of them on stage, helping a distressed female (looking) patient, problems arise due to Guy being distracted by a woman in the audience, Mac's inability to improvise, and a unexpected visit from a tutu-wearing Sue White. She looking out for offical Dr Macartney stalkers.

NB: This sketch was performed at The Secret Policeman's Ball at the Albert Hall on the 14th October 2006. Synopsis by Ian Wolf. Video of the sketch on YouTube