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The Best Green Wing Series 1 QuotesHere's some classic quotes from series one of Green Wing... Mac: “Join me again next week on this episode of "Let's make no f***ing sense" when I will be waxing an owl.”
Joanna [on answering machine]: “It's over, Alan. Don't contact me. You will never feel my super-vagina again.”
Alan: “I, I, I wish people would leave a name!”
Mac: “I see a chocolate Phil Collins popping out of a cuckoo clock every hour to tidy up his Nazi gold.”
“Do you know what I like about you?”
[pause]
“F*** All” (A rather rude Dr Guy talking to Sue White)
Joanna: “What kind of masked kidnapper are you?”
Alan: “Well, one who is loathe to contravene local bye-laws, actually.”
Guy: “I feel safe here. It reminds me of...”
Sue: “Being locked away as a boarding-school boy for tampering with your down-belows?”
Guy: “Yes.... NO! ”
“Oh look, it's the love child of Wayne Sleep and Godzilla. What are you, the eighth dwarf, Twatty? You know, even if you were from the future you'd still be wrong. Actually do you know what I like about this outfit? F*** all.”
(Guy's comments at the party about Martin's dress sense)
Martin talking to Guy about his lack of previous experience...
Martin: “You know, I've never really even touched anyone that attractive.”
Guy: “Well, I don't mind you touching my arm if you want.”
Caroline: “How was the interview?”
Mac: “Not sure... think I might have used the words 'job', 'stick', 'up' and 'arse' all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?”
Guy: “I could happily kill everyone with a baseball cap.”
Mac: “One baseball cap?”
Caroline: “Please can I have a quick word?”
Mac: “Zoom. Whoosh. There's two for you.”
Guy: “Do you think you could kill somebody out of work?”
Mac: “What, kill an unemployed person?”
Dr Statham's woeful attempt to re-assure a porter that he wasn't doing what it very much looked like - comparing measurements with a corpse.
Alan: “Erm... you may be thinking that I am comparing my penis to that of a corpse.”
Guy is attempting to talk cockney...
Guy: “I was only down the old Hackney Stadium last night... blew a monkey on a dog.”
Mac: “Really? You'll have the RSPCA after you.”
Sue is clothes shopping for Martin...
Sue: “Have you got a hoodie?”
Martin: “Actually I've been circumsized.”
Boyce to Alan following the auction...
Boyce: “I bought you for 30p”
Caroline: “You are so irritating!”
Guy: “You know what you do with an irritation? You rub it with cream!”
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GREEN WING