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Andy Millman
played by Ricky Gervais
Millman remained optimistic as rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous on-set only served to reinforce his belief that the big time was just job or two away. Surprisingly he was right - his BBC sitcom "When the Whistle Blows" projected him into the big time although he soon discovers that fame doesn't quite bring what he was expecting. Maggie Jacobs
played by Ashley Jensen
Scottish Maggie is a simple, uncomplicated woman and not the fastest of thinkers - her mouth often gets her into embarrassing situations. She is also quite shallow - for example she ditched a potential date because his feet were not quite the same length. Darren Lamb
played by Stephen Merchant
Millman's agent is the worst agent in the industry. He has no contacts, no offers, no anything. Darren often forgets the simple basics and, as there is no money coming in, works part-time at the Carphone Warehouse too. He's not the most professional business man in the industry either - Andy once caught him masturbating in his office. Somehow, despite the total failure all around him, Darren remains upbeat and continues to try and get his favourite client "Barry off Eastenders" any work going. Will Andy ever manage to get up the courage to ditch him? Shaun Williamson (aka "Barry off Eastenders")
played by Shaun Williamson
Down and out Shaun gets so little work as an actor he's happy even to check out his agent's flicking lights and clogged u-bends. It's not for lack of trying on Darren's part. Despite having no contacts and little initiative, he frequently plugs 'Barry off Eastenders', even offering his acting skills for parts Andy has already been offered, much to Andy's annoyance. Shaun's secondary plumbing job went down the drain due to Darren finding out and demanding 12.5% commission on that work too. And so Shaun, who is hoping to get his acting career back on track by having a hair transplant, is now spending his days eagerly hanging around Darren's office like a 40-something, shell suit-wearing, Regaine advert. On the upside, without any other clients or work coming in, there's plenty for Little and Large to work on their 'Mustang Sally' duet! Guest CastBen Stiller (Episode 1)
Ross Kemp (Episode 2)
Kate Winslet (Episode 3)
Les Dennis (Episode 4)
Samuel L Jackson (Episode 5)
Patrick Stewart (Episode 6)
Orlando Bloom (Episode 7)
David Bowie (Episode 8)
It's a good thing he chose music as a career because he wouldn't make a counsellor. When Andy confides in him about his shattered sitcom dreams and loser reputation, David simply takes the tale of woe as inspiration for a song. Things go from bad to worse as David's 'pathetic little fat man' then 'blows his brains out' and soon, the whole bar is joining in with his impromptu melody and piano playing. Even 'Barry off Eastenders' joins in with the 'puck-nosed face' harmony. Not surprisingly, Andy is mortified at David's gauche attitude and wishes the ground would swallow him up before he can say “Merry Christmas Mr Lawrence”. Daniel Radcliffe (Episode 9)
Chris Martin (Episode 10)
Chris nonchalantly manages to push his way onto Andy's sitcom, regardless of the implausible effect this has on the script, in another attempt to promote his album. He really should change that Coldplay t-shirt at some point though. Ronnie Corbett (Episode 10)
Sir Ian McKellen (Episode 11)
Robert Lindsay (Episode 12)
Robert De Niro (Episode 12)
Final Special Guest Stars The stars and celebrities who appear in the final special are Clive Owen, George Michael, Gordon Ramsay, David Tennant, Garath Hale, Norman Pace, Lionel Blair, Dean Gaffney, June Sarpong, Lisa Scott-Lee, Chico, Jonathan Ross and Vernon Kay. |
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© 2008 British Sitcom Guide. No reproduction without permission.
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Some profiles written by: Tina Brennan
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EXTRAS
Andy Millman is a struggling actor who gave up his day job in the hope of achieving fame and fortune.
Things don't start as planned, in his early career he hadn't landed a speaking part let alone a main role, despite attempting to bribe script writers and sucking up to producers and directors.
Maggie is Andy's one and only real friend. Like Millman she is also a background player with no big credits to her name. Whilst working on a set she'll use any free time there is to go searching for a potential boyfriend - a act which hasn't ever yet ended happily-ever after for her.
Andy sometimes goes to see his Agent and when he does it quickly becomes apparent why Andy's career isn't going anywhere.
Ex-Eastenders soap actor Shaun appears to be Darren Lamb's only other client. So it's surprising that Darren doesn't realise 'Barry' is not his real name. Shaun had followed in fellow Eastender Ross Kemp's footsteps by leaving the Square, only to fail to clinch a similar £1m (or even £1) deal from ITV. 
Star of Zoolander and Meet The Fockers (which incidentally, he doesn't stop banging on about), Ben turns his hand to directing. Not a comedy, but the poignant true story of a man who has lost his family to the Balkans war. You would think this shows a sensitive, caring side to the man with the turtle face... if threatening to shoot a child's mother to stop him from laughing while acting counts. Arrogant Ben is convinced his on-screen romances and box office hits prove he's hot property (and not a nerd). Shame he can't stop talking about his own success long enough to direct.
After appearing as a hardnut in Eastenders and then visiting some of the most terrifying gangs in, well, 'Gangs', Ross has a point to prove. He boasts of having trained in the SAS (which he has been informed by a good source stands for Super Army Soldiers) and having a lethal weapon for a body (only if having a head that could be mistaken for a big pink cannonball counts). In reality, the tough exterior is nothing but a shell, leaving Ross Kemp red-faced and teary-eyed when footballer-cum-actor Vinnie Jones puts his reputation to the test. Ross shows his sensitive side when he is forced to admit to Andy that he constantly gets bullied on jobs and is thinking of doing the unspeakable... joining 'Family Affairs'!
Oscar-mad Kate plays a nun during the Holocaust in an attempt to try and win one of the coveted prizes from the Academy. Her theory is that anyone playing the main character in a film about the Holocaust or a disability is 'guaranteed an Oscar'. Quite contrary to her holy role, Kate is a chain-smoking, foul-mouthed likely candidate for a job as a phone sex operator if she ever got tired of acting!
Ex-Family Fortunes presenter and Mavis Riley impersonator Les has been struggling to get his life back together since 'Celebrity Big Brother'. Things appear to be looking up for lonely Les, as he has the starring role in Aladdin and is happily engaged to 26 year-old Simone. But after finding she's cheating on him, Les reverts to his depressed, disillusioned self. He finds comfort at the bottom of the glass - and doing Graham Norton impressions. Consoled by Andy, Les (who has no qualms about appearing butt-naked) pulls a 'pissed-up slapper', but can't shake off the catchphrases.
Samuel gets off lightly with regards to having his character eviscerated. As a high-profile black actor, his encounter with Andy and Maggie is just one example of how racially unaware Andy and Maggie truly are. Compared with all the other guest stars, aside from being mistaken for Laurence Fishburne, Samuel's character remains intact.
Deep-voiced X-Men star Patrick is very approachable. And doesn't mind sharing ideas for his new script, which involves being able to strip women naked at a single glance. Together with a touch of lesbianism. And scoring the winning World Cup goal single-handedly. Quite a good script, you may say!
Not an American houseplant but a swashbuckling actor, Orlando has it all. Natural good looks, fame, fortune, girls, natural good looks... he's so self-obsessed he believes he got a double helping. Constantly reviewing his status as a sex symbol helped along by gossip mags, it's his contention he'd still get as much female attention if he wasn't famous. The only thing holding him back is his obsession with Johnny Depp (not sexually). Egotistical Orlando is continually bleating on about his superiority over Pirates of the Caribbean co-star Johnny, and the animal magnetism he possesses which Johnny lacks. (At least he doesn't declare he has a bigger sword than him). Surprisingly, Maggie doesn't agree and Orlando is outraged. So much so, he feels the need to kiss her to change her mind. She doesn't.
Singer-cum-actor David hangs out in all the swanky bars. VIP section, of course.
Harry Potter's Daniel is a typical teenager; raging hormones, smoking because he shouldn't, carrying unwrapped condoms. Except the huge success of his films means he is also spoilt and has ample opportunity to woo older women which he takes full advantage of. When his mum isn't around, of course. Maggie is, for as long as Daniel's crush lasts, the object of his affection, although he does plant cigarettes on her to avoid his mum's wrath. He boasts of planned sexual escapades, but fails to convince any potential participants. Maybe if he wore longer trousers.
Humanitarian Chris is the most charitable man in music. He even named his daughter after a fruit in a tribute to the environment. Behind the cameras, however, charities are the last thing on Chris' mind as he attempts to plug the new Coldplay Greatest Hits album amidst appeals for help in Third World countries. He even suggests playing 'Trouble' over projected images of the poverty-stricken people.
It transpires Ronnie Corbett is a frequent drug user. Something the BAFTA organisers know only too well so they're not that surprised when they catch him taking some white powder in the toilets with Darren at their ceremony.
The Lord of the Rings star Sir Ian is a fine actor and certainly has acting off to a fine art. How does he know where to stand? Because he is told. How does he know what to say? Because it is written in a script. But you don't have the script on the night. He is not the character you see, he is pretending to be the character; 'acting'. And acting is what Andy must do in the play Sir Ian has written about two gay lovers, 'A Month of Summers'. Because he is not actually gay. Just like Sir Ian is not actually a wizard. But he had to make sure the producer was aware of that before he accepted the role.
Fame has obviously gone to the head of 'My Family' star Robert. If he's not singing Broadway numbers in hospital rooms, he's forcing DVD's of 'My Family' on sick children in hospital rooms. Robert finds it hard to believe anyone would fail to notice him anywhere. And woe betide anyone who hasn't heard of the famous acquaintances he boasts of. Rumour has it that that over-inflated ego of his isn't just an act either.
Legendary actor Robert doesn't say much. And has never driven a taxi. He does, however, take a shine to a pen with a naked lady on it. All he needs now is no interruptions.