SERIES 1 - First broadcast 1999

1. The Pox

The Comtesse de Vache is set to seduce the Marquis de Bonvie and draw away his amorous attention from Madame de Plonge. Excited by the Marquis' reputation at being able to "deflower a cemetery with his smile", things are complicated when her husband, the Comte de Vache, turns up at Versailles with the pox.

2. Murder

News beings to circulate throughout the palace that the Comtesse de Vache has lost her entire fortune to the Marquise de Frou Frou in a wager: who between them has the larger cleavage. When the Marquise is discovered murdered - hacked in to fourteen or so pieces - all eyes turn to Colombine as the likeliest suspect.

3. The Portrait

The Comtesse de Vache becomes the latest victim of the recently-escaped Marquis de Sade: two nights running. To escape such debauchery again Colombine must convince Lisette to take her place while she flees the palace for safety on the other side of The Alps.

4. Making Voopee

Known for her ability to "know things" the Comtesse de Vache ruins more than a few reputations in court after an evening at the opera. That is until the proverbial tide changes and the Comtesse herself becomes involved in a court scandal of the royal kind.

5. A Marriage of Convenience

The Comtesse de Vache becomes engaged in a competition to find one a wife for a wayward duke known for his "equestrian activities". To do so she must leave the comfort of the palace and enter the squalors where the poor reside to find her sister, Cecille.

6. The Royal Command Performance

The Queen Consort, Marie Antoinette, has invited the court to witness the royal couple expressing their love physically: in a vain attempt to curb her overwhelming unpopularity in France. Meanwhile, Colombine's rivalry with Madame de Plonge reaches a climax.