SERIES 1 - First broadcast 2006

1. Episode One

In Horton-le-Hole, folk-loving geography teacher, Bill Taddler is interviewed for the job of his dreams: Deputy Head of Holy Saints. His wife, Sheila, is unimpressed if his last six attempts are anything to go by, but Bill thinks he could be in with a chance...

Meanwhile, arsonist Eenie Thompson, 73, a dwarf with a sideline in bus stop Tarot readings, has a little difficulty shifting a lorryload of Dresden Shepherdesses that want 'selling on'. And there's intrigue at the local library. Apart from the ever-present danger of a the most expensive book in the library going missing – the chained up Pitbull Handbook - it appears there is a serial vandal on the loose: an unseen hand is systematically vandalising the Romantic Fiction. It's clearly a job for the smooth talking, noir-loving library manager, Geoff Torville and his femme fatale, senior Scale Two, Sue McCardle. Fearing it could be an inside job, Sue and Geoff make a pact to trust nobody... and a grand passion is ignited.

Elsewhere, quiet and unassuming librarian, Denise Taylor prepares for her big night in... at the opera. Behind the closed curtains of optician Carol Gomez's bungalow, the two women pretend to be a celebrated diva and her loyal conductor in a highly-charged fantasy role play that suggests there's more to Carol and Denise's relationship than meets the eye...

First broadcast: 3rd October 2006

2. Episode Two

It's staff assessment day at Holy Saints School, and Bill Taddler's new colleague and co-Deputy Head, Lesley Parkes is putting pressure on him to deal with a narcoleptic colleague of some 20 years' standing. At home, Bill's wife, Sheila, is also putting pressure on him: to take her beloved dog, Tyke, to a kennels before they go on holiday. For Bill, it's all too much and in the chaos, he accidentally runs Tyke over and kills him. Sheila reacts accordingly!

A Pitbull Handbook has been stolen from a neighbouring library forcing genius library theorist Ken Stockton, to resign. In the resulting fall-out, Geoff is offered his job. Sue is devastated and in light of their burgeoning flirtation, desperate to keep Geoff where he is. Meanwhile, the library vandal strikes again, this time with an origami 'pop-up' penis glued inside a romance novel.

Eenie Thompson and Norman consult the shadowy Big Pete – glimpsed only in silhouette - about taming their pitbull, Sabre. He knows just the manual to help.

Whilst in the safety of her living room, Carol wins gold for England as Dame Kelly Holmes – but who will play the big Hungarian? Certainly not Denise...

First broadcast: 10th October 2006

3. Episode Three

On the back of accidentally running his wife's dog over and destroying his marriage, Bill Taddler undergoes an Ofsted inspection at school – although he's hardly in the mind-set to deal with it.

Grief-stricken and full of revenge, Sheila meanwhile ventures on a reunion with an old school flame Alan Robinson - only he's not quite how she remembered him.

At the library, Sue is delighted when an anonymous letter declares that 'Geoff Torville is giving it to Sue McCardle.' He isn't; the letter is the work of a vandal who is surely close to the minds of the two accused.

... and Carol Gomez and Denise Taylor attend the Oscars in their lunch hour.

First broadcast: 17th October 2006

4. Episode Four

Slum-born millionaire thriller writer Gwen Gregson visits Horton Library. Geoff Torville, keen for promotion, must somehow conceal the fact that Gwen's life-size cardboard cut-out has been defaced with the word 'TIT' by the lurking vandal. Sue tends to agree with the sentiment and her rage and jealousy at Geoff's misplaced attention culminates in a catfight with the celebrated writer.

Elsewhere, Bill Taddler's folk group are to give a concert but Bill has forgotten to pick up the key to the venue; the concert may be cancelled and his group are livid – unless he can come up with a cunning plan to save face?

Unable to meet her that evening, Denise Taylor has a shock visit from Carol Gomez in the library – passions boil over into a hot row and their night-time 'activities' are under threat.

Plus Norman Thompson has breached his parole and is back inside – but he hates prison food and his devoted mother Eenie must somehow break through to take him a pie.

First broadcast: 24th October 2006

5. Episode Five

Bill is dreading playing host to Bob, Sheila's right-wing brother who emigrated to Canada twenty years ago. She refuses to listen to Bill's protests until they discover that it's a make-or-break holiday for Bob and his Canadian wife, Muffin who has just discovered Bob's been playing away. Bob must suffer the consequences; so too must Bill and Sheila, as long as their guests stay!

In the library Geoff Torville needs glasses. He gets some temporary frames, much to the scorn of Sue McCardle. Their passion is obscured and nearly destroyed.

Eenie, Norman and Big Pete are keen to win at the track – by bloating greyhounds with cherryade – only it's not a tried and tested theory.

and behind closed curtains, Carol Gomez, now a world-famous film star, is a guest of Michael Parkinson – well, as represented by her ever-devoted friend, Denise Taylor.

First broadcast: 31st October 2006

6. Episode Six

It's the library vandal's finest hour – an effigy swings from a noose – and Detective Wilson is called in to investigate. For the librarians, the effigy is a sick but brilliant composite of romantic novelists living and dead. Sue is particularly impressed as it confirms her suspicions of an inside job. Only all the clues to the vandal's identity point to the wrong person - which could be devastating for both Geoff and Sue.

Meanwhile, Bill addresses the fact that he and Sheila have not enjoyed a 'full' marriage since the dog died and embarks on a misguided ploy to seduce her.

First broadcast: 7th November 2006