1. The Elephant's Child

Brittas arrives to a large pile of dung. It belongs to Colin, who proposed to his girlfriend at the Zoo but an elephant ate the engagement ring! He's had the elephant manure delivered to the Centre to search through it for the ring. Carole has been on an assertiveness course and leaves stroppy messages about returning to work when she feels like it, which impresses Brittas! A sponsored bungee jump is going to take place, but Tim is worried what Gavin will think because he doesn't want to do it! He tries every excuse not to jump, from freezing himself to sitting clothed in the sauna to get a fever! Helen doesn't want to jump, but she accidentally grabs hold of some balloons, flies up to the top of the crane, and falls with Brittas into the manure!

First broadcast: 6th Jan 1997

2. Reviewing The Situation

Brittas makes all the staff do an appraisal for restructuring purposes (or as one member of staff cynically states, to sack someone). Brittas assesses Colin, and gives him a B++ at which he is very excited. Colin follows Gavin (which he finds irritating) and tries to catch him out at every opportunity, but to no avail. Carole writes a veritable novel to appraise Linda, entitled Love Conquers All, which doesn't impress Brittas! In the meantime, Julie is being constantly protected by a bodyguard because she's receiving threatening notes. Helen is learning to give gifts on her counselling course, and goes to an auction to buy junk, which makes her really excited! She gives the staff lots of random gifts, and then on instruction of Brittas that gifts can't buy friendship, promptly takes them all back. Her gift of a cigarette case to Brittas ends up saving his life when Julie's bodyguard accidentally shoots him!

First broadcast: 13th Jan 1997

3. Episode 3

The staff arrive for work to find that the doors are locked. Brittas turns up and announces excitedly that, after having a conversion experience at a computer fair, everything has been computerised and will run much more smoothly. By demonstrating to the staff how everything works before the Centre opens, they have well-grounded misgivings that this might not quite be the case. This is very true. A swimmer tries to book a swim session, but must first decide what stroke she wants to use and what shampoo to buy, not to mention where she last went on holiday; a badminton customer ends up booking a children's party because Carole can't access the right file. Brittas drives the helpline crazy with endless questions about problems like dropping crumbs down the keyboard. Whilst Helen smashes up her Counselling Computer, Colin takes badly to being useless, planning his suicide. Brittas saves him but ends up dangling the two of them off the balcony!

First broadcast: 20th Jan 1997

4. Wake Up The Lion Within

Brittas is back from a course at which he was taught to wake up the "lion within", and he's keen to put it into practice at work he wants all the staff to find theirs! Meanwhile, the Centre is entering the European Award of Excellence, so Brittas wants the place to be as Euro-friendly as possible; Colin is building a Children's Corner (a mini-zoo) with every single animal he can get his hands on, to educate children in wildlife. Brittas gets the staff to translate every sign in the Centre into all fifteen European dialects; pricing up all confectionary in Euros; and displaying the Treaty of Rome (the foundation of the E.U.) in Reception. Carole's "lion within" becomes overpowering and she plots her way to becoming Deputy Manager and even overthrows Brittas until the staff demand his return. When the (Danish) E.U. Inspector arrives to Greek music(!) (the Centre wins the award), Colin's lion is "without", and ends up in her car to surprise her on the drive home!

First broadcast: 27th Jan 1997

5. The Disappearing Act

Counselor Druggit has set up a competition to encourage the staff to up their customer service, with the prize being a weekend for two in Paris. Julie is even being nice and making voluntary coffee, with biscuits!! Meanwhile Carole is learning French by audio cassette, breaking into bilingualism regularly. Someone (everyone's fighting over who's done it) has organised a birthday party package, which Julie's niece is test-driving. Uncle Colin a.k.a. "Mister Magic", after squashing and losing some of the animals stuffed in his trousers, then loses the birthday girl! Upon investigation, Brittas and Colin notice a hole in the floor of the gym, which was caused by the Channel Tunnel link going slightly off-course. Helen is counselling the parents of the child, who don't like her approach of looking on the bright side of having other children left over! The girl is found in France courtesy of Le Shuttle and, just as Counselor Druggit arrives with the prize, the parents snatch it to retrieve their daughter.

First broadcast: 3rd Feb 1997

6. Gavin Featherly R.I.P

The staff have gone away for a weekend to a happy seaside resort. Gavin disappears, which leads everyone to think he's killed himself by riding away on Colin's potato-powered lilo! Meanwhile, Brittas' family dog has died, and Helen is upset that Brittas won't bury the dog properly; this leads her to offer less-than-sympathetic counselling to Tim. Brittas organises the funeral despite not having actual proof of death, for the sake of Gavin's family. When the Featherlies arrive, they have a fight in Brittas' office, and Tim is upset when he realises that he hasn't told his parents about their relationship. Gavin is found at sea and manages to 'phone the Centre. Tim answers and tells Brittas that Gavin is alive. Brittas and the others don't believe him; they think the grief is making him delusional. Gavin then turns up at a very chaotic funeral!

First broadcast: 10th Feb 1997

7. Exposed

A secret reporter goes for a swim at the Centre and, seeing how bizarre the place is wants to do a documentary about it. Brittas doesn't understand that it's a freak show, so he agrees, and gives all the staff lines to learn and costumes to wear, just so the right impression is given out! Colin is replaced by an agency model, to give the right image. Colin is upset, Gavin is flattered by the model's attention, and Tim is typically jealous! A strange outbreak of spots and fever rushes through the Centre, which causes some alarm, so Brittas has all the sufferers locked up! To quench any rumours, Brittas holds a press conference. The reporter, who has had an affair with Helen in the past, gains access to the Centre, but is met by an angry Helen!

First broadcast: 17th Feb 1997

8. Curse Of The Tiger Women

It's the Leisure Centre's seventh birthday, so Brittas has baked a birthday cake to share with all the staff! Colin has been building a large scale model of Noah's Ark outside the Leisure Centre as part of Linda's Bible class. Gavin points out to Carole that her twins look like Brittas, which she finds very disturbing; because Brittas hears her screaming, he sends her to Helen for counselling. But Helen also finds the process painful to face up to, especially when she overhears how the twins have inherited the Brittas laugh! The staff become aware that a gypsy had put a curse on Brittas so that anyone who eats food from his hand will die "like a dog in a ditch". Brittas doesn't believe in the curse but the staff are worried, because lots of animals that have eaten cake crumbs have died. So does Councillor Druggit, who eats some of Brittas' biscuits. Meanwhile, marsh gas is building up in the Centre, with a risk of explosion. Whilst Colin is executing controlled explosions throughout the Centre, the problem gets worse and the building has to be evacuated. All goes strange: Brittas is attacked by a giant goose and then wakes up in Colin's giant ark, where he has to repopulate the world with Helen, Carole and Julie; Colin asks for Brittas' ticket, which he finds strange. Brittas then re-wakes up on the train to Whitbury for his interview for the Manager job, where "Colin" is the conductor asking for tickets, and he sees the staff from the Leisure Centre on the train, who appeared in his dream..!

First broadcast: 24th Feb 1997