SERIES 6 - First broadcast 1996

1. Back With A Bang

The staff are planning Brittas’ welcoming back celebrations, but because he arrives back a day early, he surprises them instead. Things have changed in the Centre: Laura has left and Gavin is Deputy Manager, but Carole is upset because the D.S.S. man ran off with a nun. And Julie is heaving pregnant, and eating stationary and vomiting. Brittas helps Carole by broadcasting her seduction and abandonment across the tannoy system, causing her to cry hysterically. Helen’s been in a clinic since Brittas came back from the dead (not surprising really) but escapes to try and burn a letter her doctor’s wife sent Brittas telling him of Helen’s passions for the doctor. Brittas is annoyed by the appointment of Penny; they don’t get off to a good start! Councillor Druggitt arrives to tell Brittas that Helen’s spent all the life insurance on a Rolls Royce and backing a horse. Brittas would have sold the car but the unexploded bomb in his croquet set detonates, destroying it.

First broadcast: 27th Feb 1996

2. Body Language

Brittas is teaching the staff about his to communicate better with their bodies, using body language. In the meantime, Ben is having an “ugly bug ball” birthday party. Also, Helen has accidentally sold the Brittas’ house, and has begun to move all their furniture into Reception. She tells Brittas it will make the place have a nice homely feel, and Brittas, as always, believes her. Colin eats some of the plant, and this leads him to become paranoid about strange things that begin to go on in the Centre. There’s a strange smell coming from the Sauna-Solarium, and Brittas takes great delight in declaring it a contaminated zone, and shuts it. A big block of ice appears in the ceiling, which becomes smaller and also lets off a strange smell. Colin hears the birthday party through the ventilation system and thinks it’s an alien. Seeing some of Ben’s friends in fancy-dress, he thinks body snatchers have come to take over people in the Centre. The block of ice, we learn, thankfully(?) is only(?) sewage!

First broadcast: 12th March 1996

3. At The Double

Carole is seduced by Brittas in a funny costume. It looks like Brittas, but he’s driving by and memo-ing that she’s going to be late for work. As he arrives for work, he’s accosted by a religious group who, hearing of his coming back to life, want to re-baptise “Brite-ass”. Meanwhile, in a merchandising push, makes some herbal tonic, which turns out to be powerful laxative. Carole, thinking Brittas told her she was musical, is playing random instruments (badly) in Reception. It turns out that Brittas has a double, Vlad, who is a part of the Ruthanian State Circus who have come to Whitbury. Helen wants to go back to the clinic after being seduced by Vlad and reprimanded by Brittas, and Linda is worried that Vlad is Brittas’ doppelganger and that if the two meet Brittas will die. So she kidnaps Vlad and packs him off to a field somewhere. In all of this fuss, a bear on a unicycle runs amok in the Centre. Helen thinks it’s Brittas in fancy dress…

First broadcast: 26th March 1996

4. A Walk On The Wildside

Brittas has a bright idea which soon becomes a new Euro-directive: he’s encouraging people to walk more, so he’s designing lots of walks through Whitbury! Colin creates an interesting walk from the abattoir to the sewage works, and another from the sewage works to the abattoir! Brittas notices on an old map of Whitbury before the Centre was built, that a Right of Way runs right through the Centre. He sets about demolishing walls to allow the public access, but later learns that the Right of Way was repealed years ago. In the midst of this, Colin drops some Anthrax and Foot and Mouth Disease spores which he keeps for his regular process of “antibody building” and pollutes the route which will be taken by the Ramblers’ Association who will shortly begin their walk through the Centre. They have to be hosed down with antidote as they walk through the now contaminated restroom. Oh, and someone is accidentally killed in a bizarre freak accident; but this is just another typical day at Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre!

First broadcast: 2nd April 1996

5. We All Fall Down

It’s the start of World Peace and Hunger week, and Brittas has organised lots of festivities for the week. Helen is having a depressed spell and Penny rescues her from killing herself. Colin is working on the Eternal Flame and increases the size of the flame to prevent the late-night drinkers from urinating into it on the way back home from the Pub’. Helen is upset because her children failed an audition for a nappy commercial, so she poisons a batch of the blackcurrant juice with laxative and feels better. She then councils Tim who is upset about being paid less than the other staff and so takes them hostage. When the celebrations actually happen, Colin’s extra-large flame melts the electrical wires which fall on the spilt blackcurrant juice, electrocuting all the children of Whitbury who have come to the celebrations. Helen finds being electrocuted very therapeutic for her depression, and tells Brittas that she wants to have more babies!

First broadcast: 9th April 1996

6. Mr Brittas Falls in Love

Brittas comes back from a European trip and the staff find his behaviour very strange. He tells the staff that he’s fallen in love – with a dolphin! To celebrate the healing qualities of dolphins, he organises a Dolphin Day at the Centre. Brittas also has a work experience student in the Centre for two weeks, with an unfortunate speech impediment he isn’t sympathetic about! The finer details about the dolphin delivery are unfortunately mixed up, and a shark is delivered instead. Amongst all this excitement, a stroppy Linda who disagrees with the Dolphin Day on the grounds of animal rights, and who has discovered Tim’s delivery of fresh chickens for cooking, imprisons Tim in the cages in which the chickens were delivered. Rosemary loses a shoe in the pool and Brittas assumes she’s been eaten, and tell this to her mum, who is distraught. Thankfully, she’s found. In the end, the shark disappears courtesy of Linda’s animal rights friends.

First broadcast: 16th April 1996

7. Snap Happy

Brittas is organising a photograph of the staff to preserve fond memories. Naturally, all is chaos and Brittas spends hours trying to get the staff in just the right position to send across the right messages for all who will see the photo; the whole process is painstaking to say the least. A brief cloudy spell cancels this for now. In the meantime, Helen is trying to conquer her fear of flying, and so will do a parachute jump above Whitbury! She’s exceedingly nervous, though, and spends most of the morning vomiting. Speaking of vomiting, Ben attends a children’s party being held in the Centre and holds other children ransom until he’s given all the party bags which he eats; he then vomits into the photographer’s bag. When the staff finally pose for the photo, chaos ensues again as Helen lands on top of them, an explosion occurs in the background, and a car drives through the panoramic photo!

First broadcast: 23rd April 1996