SERIES 4 - First broadcast 1994

1. Not a Good Day...

It’s Life Cycle Week, and Brittas is excited to have Sebastian Coe O.B.E. M.P. Coe to help promote it. Nothing runs smoothly, of course: the cyclist who is filming the adter for Life Cycle Week dies on set; and a small child is held under citizen’s arrest by Brittas for trying to enter the pool without paying (not for the 20p but on principle!), but Colin accidentally imprisons Sebastian Coe instead. Oops. In revenge for being rude to his son, the boy’s dad, who is a member of the Classical War Society, amasses his whole army to destroy the Centre. Of course, the police don’t believe Brittas and refuse to turn up to help. In all the excitement, Coe is forgotten about and shuffles off, dragging the stair rail. There is a happy ending: Brittas’ complex special offers actually help a single mother and her daughter to have a really good day out at the Centre, so they present him with a bunch of flowers! Ah!

First broadcast: 10th Jan 1994

2. Mr. Brittas Changes Trains

Brittas has the opportunity to go on the European Leisure Standards Committee and is having an interview over dinner. But strange things are happening in the Centre: Colin is dropping his trousers and proclaiming love to everyone, causing Brittas much distress and getting into trouble for sexual harrassment; Linda is barking; Patrick is running to the toilet whenever he hears a bell; Julie is kissing people; and Carole is croaking like a frog! They’ve all been hypnotised (apart from Julie who just wanted to try kissing Gavin)! Helen is in, but her stress is causing all her muscles to tense up to the point when she can’t walk or eat, so Laura agrees to go to the meal/interview with Brittas. Helen makes a very quick recovery! The hypnotist comes in to make everyone better, including Brittas, and for a few glorious hours, he’s normal! Soon wears off, though...

First broadcast: 17th Jan 1994

3. Playing with Fire

Brittas is worried that during Energy Conservation Week, energy consumption has increased (which coincides, as Laura points out, with an energy-saving questionnaire he’s just made). Gavin has a guest who arrives for a surprise visit, and we find out that it’s his very distant fiancée. Of course, this comes to be a very big surprise for everyone, especially Tim! Brittas is delighted that Gavin "hasn’t so much as looked at a girl" since he’s worked here (the rest of the staff know exactly why this is the case!) so this reassures Gavin’s fiancée that he’s kept faithful for her, and when Tim is upset, he tries to offer consolation in his usual, caring, tactful way, leading to even more tears. Brittas upsets Gavin’s fiancée (there’s a surprise) by not letting her go off to house-hunt with Gavin, leading her to try to set fire to the Centre, but this also leads to her releasing her pent-up anger and therefore causes her healing. With EX-fiancée packed off to the mental hospital, Gavin and Tim drive home romantically together.

First broadcast: 24th Jan 1994

4. Shall we Dance?

It’s the annual Southern Area Leisure Gala Ball. People wonder if Brittas and Laura are having an affair, which might explain his possessiveness over Laura when her ex-husband arrives to take her to the ball. Carole again finds tragedy after first seeing a glimmer of hope: her ex-boyfriend (her first real love) replied to a personal advert she wrote, but when he arrives he becomes trapped in the ventilation system and can’t propose to her. She, again, feels dejected. Helen arrives back unexpectedly from St. Austell where she’s been dragging a guide dog on the back of her car for the journey, and is vomit-covered because of four children projectile vomiting (and one of them trying to eat it) because of the dead crab they ate off the beach. That would explain her extra-neurotic state, then. The pre-dance drinks are successful even though according to Brittas Gavin and Tim couldn’t be bothered to bring a partner so they must just dance with each other. Laura and Farrell walk off to a rainbow, and Brittas, Helen and Carole into a rainstorm!!

First broadcast: 31st Jan 1994

5. The Christening

Brittas’ twins, Matthew and Mark, are going to be christened, and welcomed officially into the great worldwide family of sport. Brittas’ brother, the Reverend Horatio Brittas, has come along especially to perform the ceremony, but he also wants to ask Brittas about whether or not he should marry his fiancée. Helen has accidentally lost them whilst doing her shopping (many off-licences were en-route, oddly......)! The staff tour Whitbury to look for them, after which Gordon meets Horatio’s fiancée, Phillippa, and has a screaming match with her. With no luck on the search for the twins, Brittas arrives back to hear that Phillippa has cancelled the christening (in revenge for Brittas’ insults, perhaps?), and then Helen, finding Phillippa’s comment that she’s a "bad mother" quite offensive, begins attacking her in every conceivable way. The twins are found, and the service goes ahead without a hitch. Well, almost. In the commotion of the morning, the urine from Ben’s potty was splashed onto the cake, so Carole hid it well with correcting fluid; and according to Julie, it’s dangerous if ingested...

First broadcast: 7th Feb 1994

6. Biggles Tells a Lie

Colin is wearing a suit and smells clean! The staff are suspicious. It transpires he has a daughter, and she’s seeing him (and "his" Centre) for the first time today. The staff agree to cover up for him, which works well until Brittas arrives to return a pen. Brittas discovers Carole’s new pet, a kitten called Biggles, stuck in the boiler system, and investigates the matter, causing Carole to demonstrate how the cat food is really Ben’s tasty lunch and the litter tray is a sand pit for the children to play in! Gavin finds a pornographic magazine with a picture of Helen in it, and Laura tells him to burn it. Brittas, staying to help fix the boiler, sees Gavin burning the magazine and assumes he’s reading it; so does jealous Tim! Giving him a lecture, Brittas sees that Colin has assumed leadership of the Centre and severely disciplines him. But we see a soft side in Brittas when Colin’s daughter tells how she’s been inspired by "the dream".

First broadcast: 14th Feb 1994

7. The Chop

Councillor Druggitt arrives with a mission: he wants Brittas sacked. Brittas doesn’t help his own cause when he asks "what sort of a man calls himself ‘Druggitt?’". Still, "Druggitt" can’t find a flaw with Brittas until he notices that someone called "H" (Helen) has borrowed £300. The reason for Helen’s loan is meanwhile running amok in the swimming pool: she bought a cabaret dog that unzipped flies and bit through bra straps. And he’s doing it now! With the havoc dealt with, Brittas is angry to find that he’s going to have to resign, or Helen will face imprisonment. Having made the decision to resign, he starts to go home, only to find Carole sobbing: she’s been sacked as well for keeping her children in the drawers of Reception. The episode ends as the two of them walk out together into a Victorian style "death row" scene of people shouting abuse at them as a trolley takes them to the chop. They put their down heads in the guillotine. The axe falls...

First broadcast: 28th Feb 1994

8. High Noon

Laura comes across utter chaos in the garage en route to work as she tries to fill up with petrol. She sees Brittas working there (that explains it!) The Centre has custom under its new manager, Alan Digby! Brittas comes in to visit to drop off a present for the staff: a musical clock. As he’s putting the clock up, he interferes with Alan’s running of the Centre in a typical back-seat-driving kind of way, causing him to become angry and ban Brittas altogether! Whilst waiting for Helen to return to pick him up, he makes a lorry driver (who he had previously irritated in the garage) angry, who puts a dumbbell down his back. Brittas’ earlier annoying of Alan caused him to pull down Brittas’ safety tape, making the hand-drill fall into the wall, and this caused a gas leak. The clock sparks when it chimes, causing an explosion. Because he holds up the only clear escape route with his new "backbone", he’s a hero again!

First broadcast: 7th March 1994