1. The Trial

Brittas is in the dock, on trial for a whole host of crimes, including murder, manslaughter, grievous bodily harm, possession of drugs, possession of stolen property, and much more besides. Carole could have explained this, as she'd been having premonitions about these disasters long before they happened, but Brittas tells her it's all in the head; she believes him, as we see her reading a book about insanity. Still, two gangs decided to come to the Centre to trade drugs and stuff; Brittas accidentally confiscates valuables and gang warfare occurs in the squash courts. Meanwhile, a maniac is putting superglue on things Brittas will touch, which causes more chaos, and because of this, in rescuing a man trapped in a squash court, Brittas accidentally beheads him with a saw. On the journey to the squash court, he managed to cause havoc in an elderly step class by sawing through Zimmer frames aplenty thereby being accused also of grievous bodily harm. It's not all grim; he's inspired someone to al so have a dream and work in leisure! Another one up to Brittas!

First broadcast: 7th Jan 1993

2. That Creeping Feeling

The staff have sent Brittas to Coventry, but as he doesn't notice subtlety, it takes Laura to point this out to him. You see, Brittas was "helpful" and devised an individual fitness programme for all the staff, which they took offence at because part of this involved him secretly taking photos of them whilst they were getting changed. This can't be right, reckons Brittas, so he hires the County Psychologist to test the staff's stress levels, and they're very high whenever Brittas is mentioned in conversation! Whilst the psychologist watches Brittas, he offers some words of encouragement in the antenatal relaxation class and a fistfight ensues. Meanwhile, there's a poisonous spider roaming the Centre, which ends up latching onto Colin's trousers ("somewhere warm and damp"), poisoning him. No-one dares to suck out the poison, except for dutiful Brittas who immediately becomes a hero! The staff talk to him again, the Psychologist is no longer needed, and all is well yet again for Brittas!

First broadcast: 14th Jan 1993

3. Laura's Leaving

Laura's having a job interview, and it sounds very hopeful because she didn't even apply for the job: she was approached. Brittas gives her some words of encouragement (but thankfully Laura knows better than to take offence at anything Brittas says) and sends her off on her way. Meanwhile, he's preparing a speech for an event at which Sebastian Coe O.B.E. M.P. will be attending, so he's keen not to be disturbed. Colin, who's suffered a bang on the head after an accident on his rowing machine, arrives and disturbs him. Brittas sends him to heat up the swimming pool, as there's a Pentecostal baptism in it, but he doesn't realise how odd Colin's behaving because of the head injury he's suffered. Meanwhile, a coffee machine is malfunctioning, and the rifle-man is getting unhappy. Brittas drops Colin's electric fire into the pool, electrocuting many, and the gun-man goes on a rampage over his cup of coffee just as Laura, very un-phased by the catastrophic welcome, arrives back, having repealed the job, to make everything well!

First broadcast: 21st Jan 1993

4. Two Little Boys

It's the Leisure Centre's birthday! There are lots of exciting activities planned, but no oil left to heat the pool with. This is because the tank is leaky (because of late-night drinkers urinating against it as they walk home from the pub), so Brittas orders Linda and Colin to conserve the remaining oil by placing their fingers over their hole: not a pleasant job but Linda's a keen environmentalist. Unfortunately, a further delivery means there's more than 300 Gallons to preserve before the welder can mend the tank! Meanwhile Reverend Horatio Brittas is having a crisis of faith: should he go to the Lebanon to be a missionary? There's also a visiting party who are playing "I Spy Brittas", and are keen to see him in "Eeeeexcellent!" action! A stray firework causes the stored oil to explode and Horatio, seeing this as a sign, decides to go to the Lebanon, making Helen very happy indeed!

First broadcast: 28th Jan 1993

5. Sex, Lies and Red Tape

The Centre is having a fundraising event to allow for synchronised trampolining to be offered at the Leisure Centre. A mysterious figure appears looking for Laura, who we learn to be Michael T. Farrell III, her husband. Brittas is not charmed by his manner nor his money (though the rest of the staff are by both), and following strict regulations, makes sure he can't access Laura. Meanwhile, Helen has been caught shoplifting all manner of things including a B.B.Q. set (which she managed to hide in her coat) and awedding dress, along with some shoes and a handbag, and is scared that she'll go to prison because she has several shoplifting offences on her criminal record already. In the end, Brittas receives a kiss from Laura after she shouts at him for being really annoying, and another from his wife for saving her from imprisonment, who is very adamant that Laura is not in love with him. Hand in hand, Brittas drags Helen off to apologise to the store for her shoplifting!

First broadcast: 4th Feb 1993

6. The Stuff of Dreams

Brittas is off sick! However, oddly enough, a Northern elderly gentleman named "Derek Didcott" visits the Centre, who seems to know all the rules as he quotes them parrot-fashion to Carole when he tries to buy a ticket for "Slim-Trim", and to the other customer who pushes in front of him. A fight ensues and "Didcott" steps on the other man's glasses. Laura guesses that "Didcott" is Brittas in disguise, after she breaks up the fight. The disguise seems to have worked very well on Colin, who tries to help "Didcott" and faints when Brittas reveals himself. Linda misinterprets the kind offer of "something special to pass on", the running of the Centre, and locks herself safely away. Helen goes into labour. Her plans of birth in a hospital go awry when the Brittas' car is stuck in the high-street. Thankfully, a hospital rag-week is occurring, and two medical students dressed in drag, assist Helen's labour. Nearly what she wanted?

First broadcast: 11th Feb 1993