SERIES 2 - First broadcast 1992

1. Back from the Dead

Good news spreads fast – Brittas is away on a management conference! The Centre even has customers! Helen arrives to tell Laura some serious news: Brittas has been killed in an accident. Naturally, everyone’s pleasantly surprised and business continues to boom until Brittas returns most unexpectedly! Carole thinks she’s cracking up (again) and bursts into hysterics, having a mini nervous breakdown, whilst Colin thinks it must be Brittas’ ghost, wanting to possess baby Ben; so he sets about trying to protect baby Ben, causing the rest of the staff to become quite freaked out when they actually meet Brittas face-to-face and in the flesh! When Brittas returns, customers are offended and swarm off in droves. Brittas explains his kidnapping ordeal to Laura and then heads off home, but Carole smashes up Brittas’ car and yet again cracks up. Brittas gets home to see that Helen is getting married, but seeing the best in things, offers to buy her fiancé a drink for stepping in and wanting to bring up his children well!

First broadcast: 2nd Jan 1992

2. Temple of the Body

Brittas closes the Centre again, because he’s found a pair of knickers down the back of the sofa in his office: obviously someone must have been behaving quite improperly in his absence! He then finds what he thinks must be a love nest in a cupboard and, seeing Gavin’s hat there, attempts to deduce who Gavin is obviously having an affair with. (What wonderfully inflexible logic Brittas has!) Meanwhile the Press arrive hoping to photograph Julie who was seen naked publicly last weekend as she rescued a drowning dog at Boat Race Saturday, having taken all of her clothes off first. Rather, Colin lets slip about the love nest to the press, so they go to take pictures of it. In there is Brittas, who has found Carole living there owning an erotic nightdress, and who is consoling her and asking why she of all people needs an exotic nightdress! The false story spreads so Brittas and Helen’s marriage guidance class is cancelled. Brittas explains his great time at a recent party, but Helen wonders who with!

First broadcast: 9th Jan 1992

3. An Inspector Calls

The Southern Area Inspector is due to arrive, and everything is going well. Until, that is, a crisis happens. There’s a pigeon loose in the gym’, and it’s, err, doing what all pigeons do (flying aside). All over Brittas’ shoulder, as if, in Colin’s words, it doesn’t like him. Colin is to blame, because he thought it would be a more environmentally-friendly way to get rid of the flies which were hovering around his locker. Tim has a friend with an eagle who is brought to chase it out, but the eagle eats the prepared drugged corn for the pigeon, falls off a high perch and splats dead all over the floor. The owner attacks the staff with the eagle as the Inspector arrives, so only Colin can show him around while Brittas goes to wash the blood and feathers off him. Convinced he’s going to lose his job, Brittas is depressed. But all works out well, because the Inspector sounds very similar to Brittas. He has "a dream" as well......!

First broadcast: 16th Jan 1992

4. Stuck in Concrete

Brittas is late for his arranged staff foot inspection (because he’s not certain that Colin’s feet are up to standard), and is found in his office and still in his dinner jacket he was wearing at a function held in the Centre the previous night. His feet are stuck in a box, set in extra-strong concrete with a twenty-five year shelf life! It turns out that he upset a Rotarian party in the Centre the previous night because some people forgot to lift the toilet seat before urinating. Anyway, help is at hand because he’s convinced that all the upsets in the Centre must have a cause: Sick Building Syndrome! He hired a very timid consultant and quickly irritates him by thinking he knows all the answers. Unfortunately, the Consultant who came to check the building and bring some genuine solutions ends up becoming upset and angry because Brittas causes catastrophes around him. Laura then gives Brittas a quick lesson in listening to people which he actually understands for a change; if only he’d learn tact as well!

First broadcast: 23rd Jan 1992

5. Mums and Dads

There’s a visiting Pianist arriving from Leningrad to give a concert. A piano arrives, but Brittas doesn’t like it (it’s an upright, not a grand), so he tells off the man who’s brought it, who is his dad; why Brittas didn’t notice I don’t know! Leaving dad in the staff room, Brittas shouts at the piano movers because they parked over two disabled spaces, and so they leave the pianooutside and it has to live in Reception. Brittas is then rude to the Pianist when he arrives, but fawns all over him once he realises who he really is. Typically, Brittas is "helpful" by accidentally causing Petrov’s finger to be nearly hacked off by a sickle; although he escapes this, unfortunately Petrov’s hand is crushed by a runaway piano. With no piano player, everything seems bleak until Brittas stands in on piano, with Gavin and Tim on wine glasses. Helen’s on the wine and the audience escape in droves as Brittas leads a sing-along and encourages Mayor to rattle his chain!

First broadcast: 30th Jan 1992

6. Safety First

We’re in the midst of three days of fire (and radioactive spillage and so on) drills at the Centre; the staff are getting quite lazy and are not taking them seriously enough, so Brittas punishes them by making them do the drills all over again and banning people who "commit suicide" from using the coffee machine. Helen’s taking the guidance of the marriage counsellor by setting up a picnic lunch in Brittas’ office, which is delayed by things Brittas deals with. Councillor Mrs. Dapping arrives to discuss Brittas’ request for a second fire exit in a storage cupboard on the top floor of the building, which she passes off as completely stupid. This is true, but when Carole’s handbag which has been used as an ashtray by Helen, catches light, and when Linda and the others act out their blocking-of-escape-routes so well, the only way out is the fourth floor store room! The ladder collapses and tragically, Counsellor Mrs. Dapping is squashed and dies.

First broadcast: 13th Feb 1992

7. New Generations

Helen’s come in to tell Brittas some exciting news, if she can ever get to see him. For a change, there are some problems that he needs to fix. He’s noticed that Carole’s put on a bit of weight, and she’s forced to reveal that she’s 36 weeks pregnant. Meanwhile, a pregnant cow found outside the centre wanders inside the building and ends up on the first floor. Somehow, it got up a spiral staircase; these things happen here! Because Carole and the cow have eaten some herbal remedy of Colin’s, both pregnant livestock begin to give birth: the cow in a squash court, accompanied by a Gynaecologist, and Carole in the Sauna, with a Vet (although she started off in the pool causing great commotion). We end the series by learning that Brittas is the father to more sets of twins, to both Helen and Carole! Carole lives in blissful ignorance of who the father to her twins is, and Helen lives in fear and trepidation of her future as mother to Brittas’ children.

First broadcast: 20th Feb 1992