SERIES 1 - First broadcast 1991

1. Laying the Foundations

Brittas leaves his happy family home as he goes off for his first day at work in the Leisure Centre, with his wife trembling, drinking alcohol and dropping cups; his sons deeply offended with his patronising cricket advice, and "Pat" (Pam) the next door neighbour also affronted by his insulting her son. With all this achieved, he sets off to work on the first day of building his empire in Whitbury. There he patronises a builder causing the whole team to strike, cuts down the Borough Councillor, announces that one of his team has an S.T.I. thus sparking off a nervous breakdown in them, and offends the cleaning lady away by insulting her. So he speaks some words of encouragement at a whole staff briefing, causing many walkouts and resignations to ensue. In revenge, his car is filled with cement, which he has to chip out when he returns home. Many dissatisfied staff, even if there are no customers yet to satisfy!

First broadcast: 3rd Jan 1991

2. Episode Two (Informally named "Opening Day")

The day of the opening arrives, so the staff rehearse the coming of the Duchess of Kent. Having offended a couple of the staff, who walk out, Brittas then tours the Centre to see everything is going well. It was going well, but then he gives a few words of encouragement to a weight loss class, who burst into tears. Meanwhile, the boiler is malfunctioning and the main doors are jammed open, so Brittas helps the (cheap labour) boiler man to stoke up the heat. When the doors then jam shut, a heat-wave engulfs the Centre causing people to faint, but Colin, who only can unlock the doors, is outside after taking hysterical Carole home at Brittas’ request. The Duchess of Kent arrives, and Colin gets to shake her hand! What a lovely surprise for him, but not for her!

First broadcast: 10th Jan 1991

3. Sharing and Caring (informally named "Bye, Bye Baby")

Brittas is worried about the quantity of "sick" leave that has been taken by the staff, and he wonders if it might not even be his fault (duh!). So he decides to run a "Sharing and Caring" Clinic, where each person can talk freely to Brittas. As if he wanted to create custom, he mislays Carole’s baby and replaces it with a Black baby so her husband thinks she’s had an affair and walks out on her. Carole was hysterical when she thought her baby had been stolen in the confusion, but now she’s depressed at the prospect of single parenthood! To help matters, Brittas brings in a stress expert, to help the staff calm down. Except he has a nervous breakdown and attacks Brittas. Strange, that. When Brittas gets hands on in Reception, he causes utter mayhem when he logically organises things.

First broadcast: 17th Jan 1991

4. Episode Four (informally named "Underwater Wedding")

Somebody applies to work for the Leisure Centre! Well, she has a hard choice of the Leisure Centre or the Chemist’s. Whilst interviewing her, Brittas spouts on about his dream, except he keeps on being interrupted, typically, by catastrophes. The Best Man of an underwater wedding has become stuck in the drain. Brittas is distracted from dealing with this because a drunken man in an invalid car is careering round the Centre and behaving most inappropriately. While Colin is creative in trying to catch him, he shoots Gavin in the shoulder instead, and, stuck to the door, he has to be carried on it to Reception. In all the commotion, the Best Man is forgotten about (never to be seen again), and Helen is tearful throughout the episode because it’s her and Gordon’s wedding anniversary: I’m sure it’s all those fond memories! The applicant decides that she wants a quieter life and goes for the job at the Chemist’s!

First broadcast: 24th Jan 1991

5. Episode Five (informally named "Stop, Thief!")

Brittas deduces a thief is operating in the Centre, so he closes it for the day so that he can take statements from the staff and find the culprit. After all, important things have been stolen: £5; a soap-on-a-rope; two biscuits; and a pencil! Gordon sets a trap and do some low-maintenance surveillance by hiding in a locker, but Laura considers that to be spying and decides not to shower after all. In the meantime, Helen is (more) depressed because her bit on the side has broken up with her. So Brittas is called away urgently by Helen who wants to get some more anti-depressants from the doctor who won’t prescribe them until he meets Brittas, so Colin steps in for him, and suffers the punishment that the staff were meaning to inflict upon Brittas, ending up with two broken legs. Despite the first proviso that Helen wouldn’t be given more pills unless Brittas joined her at the Surgery, after meeting him, Dr. Grey gives Helen as many pills as she wants, and a something extra besides!

First broadcast: 7th Feb 1991

6. Episode Six (informally named "Assassin")

Brittas deduces a thief is operating in the Centre, so he closes it for the day so that he can take statements from the staff and find the culprit. After all, important things have been stolen: £5; a soap-on-a-rope; two biscuits; and a pencil! Gordon sets a trap and do some low-maintenance surveillance by hiding in a locker, but Laura considers that to be spying and decides not to shower after all. In the meantime, Helen is (more) depressed because her bit on the side has broken up with her. So Brittas is called away urgently by Helen who wants to get some more anti-depressants from the doctor who won’t prescribe them until he meets Brittas, so Colin steps in for him, and suffers the punishment that the staff were meaning to inflict upon Brittas, ending up with two broken legs. Despite the first proviso that Helen wouldn’t be given more pills unless Brittas joined her at the Surgery, after meeting him, Dr. Grey gives Helen as many pills as she wants, and a something extra besides!

First broadcast: 14th Feb 1991