Gordon Brittas, graduate of Loughborough University with an exciting work record of fires, drownings and explosions (thinks he) manages Whitbury Newtown Leisure Centre with great efficiency. The staff cope daily with his endless fire drills, useless regulations and disastrous illogical and inflexible problem “solving” (inadvertently, but always, causing even bigger catastrophes in the process). So do the customers, who become ever less frequent as the reputation of Brittas’ bumbling management style spreads. They are brought to tears by his tactless supposed words of encouragement and his regular “helping” out, usually when help was never requested in the first place. This doubtlessly causes them to be in a worse state than before Brittas had “helped”. Still, he means well! He’s a determined man and no matter how many people try to kill him or how many people are killed in his endless Centre catastrophes, he still thinks that everything will work out and irritatingly for poetic justice, it alwys does! After all, he has a dream; no, a calling, to unite the whole world through sport. He had an exciting time of being killed, and then brought back to life all because was thrown out of Heaven for irritating Saint Peter...

Where Brittas creates chaos, Laura calms and sooths. Where Brittas upsets and offends, Laura calms and sooths a bit more. Where Brittas has offered words of encouragement and people are left tearful and angry, Laura continues to calm and soothe! She’s absolutely lovely; very calm and practical. A genuinely balanced woman, and entirely complementary in style to Brittas, which might be why there’s been a hint of sexual tension between the two of them. The Centre doesn’t cope at all well when she’s gone, but because she’s so reliable, she’s almost always around to deal with everything that goes wrong, after Brittas has first dealt it in his own unique style. She’s also a great source of support to Helen, as they both suffer Brittas in very different ways. Her natural style is that of mediatior, often between Brittas and either the staff or the customers, but in a variety of other situations too. Although a divorcee, she reconciles with her billionaire ex-husband and they live happily ever after

Colin’s original title of Deputy Manager (Wet) was most ironic as he’s not allowed to swim, for medical reasons. He must be the most diseased person to ever work in a leisure centre. This is a shame: he’s always popping herbal tonics, and is keen to avoid an unhealthy lifestyle (he doesn’t drink, or take caffeine or gluten); this never seems to help. He’s always late to work or management meetings because he’s so accident-prone; he always has really strange (but always genuine) excuses. But he’s absolutely loyal to Brittas, no matter how much he is also hurt by him. His hand has been suppurating away since the very first episode, which causes problems when he greets people with a handshake: they end up with a piece of dirty bandage on them! He’s quite spiritual and is always looking for the big answers in life. The rest of the staff only want one answer: what causes the smell which continually pervades from him?

Gavin was the most sympathetic non-management member of staff towards Brittas, so he was promoted to replace Laura when she left. As he’s so gentle and caring, he tends to be the mediator between Brittas and the rest of the staff when he’s upset them. He also has to appease his clingy boyfriend Tim whenever he becomes possessive.

Tim seems to only put up with working under Brittas to stay working in the same place as Gavin, his boyfriend. Intensely sensitive and insecure, he’s extremely clingy and affectionate to Gavin and is prone to queeny fits and childish temper tantrums at very regular intervals. He is also very domesticated with great skill in cooking and textiles! Yet Brittas still hasn’t clicked they’re an item.

Linda demonstrates the dictionary definition of effervescence, charisma, exuberance and liveliness! Everything she does is energetic and enthusiastic; she never seems to tire, and always has a very big smile on her face! Her passion almost always translates into loyalty to Brittas, but on the occasions when she strongly disagrees with him, she really isn’t afraid to express her opinions freely and forcefully!

The first impression we see of Carole, the Receptionist, lasts: her life is always a complete disaster! Her husband left her just after she had a baby; she suffers from post-natal depression; her house is then repossessed and she has to live in the Leisure Centre; she gets pregnant again (by Brittas of all people), and so has two more children to look after; she misses the chance to emigrate to Australia; be a grand pianist; a novelist; get married; and be an overseas nanny! No wonder she’s so shy and timid, and is often found crying, if not screaming hysterically. Her family arrangements of children and pets in drawers and cupboards are strange, but nonetheless convenient for her lifestyle as a modern independent working woman...

Julie, Brittas’ long-term secretary, really despises him and does everything possible to irritate him and help any downfall set up against him. Her catchphrase “I’M BUSY!” on the intercom to any request of work from Brittas is said numerous times a day. She’s quite amenable to everyone else, though, and can always be trusted to speak her mind as any good blunt Northern lass can!

Gordon’s wife and father to his twins, also having three children from two previous marriages. Helen eats more tranquillisers than food, but who could blame her with a husband like hers? Although she doesn’t have a job, she’s not a house-wife but a full-time mental patient!

Penny and Brittas have been at loggerheads since she took over the newly-privatised sauna-solarium: she’s stolen a bit of his Empire, and he doesn’t let her forget that; they bicker constantly from when she arrives until the show’s end. She’s the cause of a big split in the staffing between the few who are loyal to Brittas (who also hate her) and others who accept her as a member of the team. She, like others, finds Brittas just generally irritating. Penny is very well-bred and well-mannered, but can certainly give as good as she gets from Brittas. After Laura leaves she becomes Helen’s best friend and counsellor.

Chirpy Cockney lady who along with all the other staff, suffers Brittas’ rules and regulations, and tactless management style. She gets along well with the staff and even make better some of Brittas’ iniquities as often as she is able to.

Brittas’ twin brother, and equally incompetent. Although, at least he has the foresight to know that things don’t turn out right when he’s involved in them! The Brittas twins share their dream, with Horatio looking after the spiritual side of things while Gordon looks after the physical aspects. We meet Horatio only twice, and the second time he brings his blunt fiancée along.

Laura’s good-looking American ex-husband who towards the end of Laura’s time in Whitbury, once again became her husband, very much to the dislike of Brittas. Nevertheless, he’s a charmer, and flatters all of the other staff very easily, so he has many friends at the “Leisure Center”[sic]. But Brittas isn’t one of them!

Mrs. Councillor Dapping is a very amenable lady, but becomes quickly concerned about her appointment of Brittas as soon as she meets him. We meet her only in the first episode when she realises what a mistake she made in not stopping Brittas’ appointment, and then once again when she ironically dies falling off a ladder because of Brittas’ inane safety exercises.

Jack replaced the late Mrs. Councillor Dapping as Brittas’ manager. Jack’s mission in work and life is to be to get rid of Brittas as Manager of the Leisure Centre. As always, Brittas comes out tops whilst Jack gets evermore frustrated. He’s a very wise man and tries many clever plans to get rid of Brittas, but soon learns that he’ll just have to live with him.

Pam (or “Pat” as Brittas calls her) is Brittas’ next-door neighbour, and a tower of strength for Helen throughout the first series.